Revealing Madness
by Wannabe X-man
Summary: Accidents do happen, even to Gambit. Now the X-Men find them selves gaining greater insight on the mystery that is Remy LeBeau. Set during his first year on the team and complete with dyslexic spelling. Enjoy!... New Chapter 8 epitaph that I really love.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Men but damn I whish I did!

**Revealing Madness**

_Accidents do happen, even to Gambit. Now the X-Men find them selves gaining greater insight on the mystery that is Remy LeBeau. Set during his first year on the team and complete with dyslexic spelling. Enjoy!_

CH. 1

Being a Hero ain't all it's cracked up to be!

Running down the blindingly bright corridor of the strange, (alien?) base, the X-man known as Gambit relied more on his other senses then sight. He could hear foremost his own heart beating fallowed by the heavy breathing and loud footsteps of a frightened Jubilee. The girl was anything but stealth, however she was young and had time for improvement especially with all that training from the wolf man. As they reached the end of the hall Gambit promptly came to a halt, back to the wall, right hand holding three glowing cards and the left covering the teen's mouth and forcing her into the same position before she had a chance to speak. He felt her huff and he smirked but listened carefully to the distant shouts and explosions trying to determine where the rest of the team was and perhaps, more importantly, where the "bad guys" where.

He lowered his hand from the juvenile's mouth once he decided there was no one right around the corner.

"Gambit!...We have to find the rest of the team!" She hissed as if he was to blame for their current situation.

"Ya t'ink?!" He responded in a slightly annoyed voice as he rounded the corner with a brisk pace, the short fire cracker stumbling on his heels.

"Don't be all smart ass with me mister!" She reprimanded sounding way too much like a female Cyclops. "You where the one who snuck off behind Cyke's back while he was making a plane. What where you doing any way?" She jogged to keep up with his long gate, trench coat swishing as he turned yet another corner squinting in the harsh light and cursing the broken shades he threw at the green blob thing that had almost swallowed the chattering mini x-man only a few minutes earlier. "Gambit!" She wined at his silent treatment.

He sighed muttering under his breath, "lord give me patience," before addressing his companion with a glance over his shoulder maintaining his pace. "I had my own agenda, me. Special orders from mon Proff hisself……….Gambit operate betta on his own when it come to Intel collecting time." He spoke in half distraction as he suddenly felt a shift in energies coming from the hall behind them. "Put a hop in you step petite, we got company!" He once again began to run with Jubilee close behind. "An' mo' portantly, why where you fallowing me?" He asked in rebuttal to her own question, his accent thicker in times of stress

"BECAUSE………X-men cover each other's back and you went off on your own in a top secret base over run with………whatever the hell those green things are!..........you should be thanking me!" She huffed again feeling unappreciated. He laughed at her expression as he once again pressed them both against the wall before rounding the corner and heading down a flight of stairs.

"Watch you step petite." He cautioned as they made their way down the green slim covered steps. "An' you right Jubes, Tan'k you for following me instead of minding you own and for bringin' de attention of dem over grown slug peoples on me while I was discreetly hacking into de computer system's data base……..Dat was tres helpful!" He responded with the utmost sarcasm but too preoccupied with their immediate danger to go on any longer. At the bottom of the stair case was a pile of corpses in white trench coats stained dark red from their blood that coated the floor.

The scene was shocking and caused Remy to pause momentarily. Instinctively, he grabbed Jubilee in an effort to shield her young eyes. She gasped at the carnage before hiding her face in his trench coat squeezing her eyes tight as if she could shut out the images, but it was too late. "Shhh petite,……….put it out you head, no'ting to be done for 'em now." He whispered crossing himself and muttering a Creole prayer. "Come on an' climb on Gambit's back, he gonna carry you over de blood." He spoke softly, lifting her chin and using his thumb to wipe a tear from her cheek. She bit her lip and nodded, glancing sideways at the heap of bodies a few feet away. "Don' look at dat……Just climb on,….it gonna be okay chil'." He soothed again as he helped her up on to his back, her arms loose around his neck. She was too young for this, despite her own protests, he would make his sentiment known to Cyke once they where back at the Mansion.

Carefully he stepped over and around the meaty flesh and torn lab coats of a dozen or so former egg heads. His jaw clenched to keep back the bile that rose in his throat from disgust as he felt the squishy people mush sticking to his boots and the snapping of bones from the weight of his balanced steps. This was way to familiar to some very hunting memories of his and he could tell that tonight would take more then a few drinks to get his head in any shape for sleep, although the dreams would still be sure to come as no amount of liquid sunshine could banish the demons in his mind, only drowned them out for a spell.

'Gambit?.........Come in Gambit,…..where the devil are yah?' A southern draw brimming with frustration and worry sounded from his com badge, attached to his waist.

"Not now!" He muttered taking a final step out of the carnage and into the hall, blood staining the tails of his coat and metal boots. He set down Jubilee who had a pensive look across her usually carefree face as her eyes stared hard at the bloody foot steps of her team mate. Gambit once again reached out and gently lifted her chin to face him. "Might be de first but in dis line of work petite,……it won' be de last……Ya gotta let it go Chere, or it'll eat you alive!" He smiled sympathetically and kissed her forehead before enveloping her in a hug. "Trust me,……I know." He spoke in a voice she had rarely ever heard him use, one that communicated the pain of his personal experience with a sad and bitter undertone. She could hear his teeth grind and felt his muscles tighten. Then he released her and offered an out of place smile, strangely playful. Taking Jubilee's hand, he winked and gestured with his head. "Come on, lets see if we can beat de o'thers back to de plane, eh?" With that they where once more running but this tme hand in hand.

'GAMBIT!.............WHAT IS YOUR LOCATION?.............JUBELEE IS MISSING!' A very pissed Cyclops shouted over the static of Gambit's com badge. In the back ground was shooting and what sounded like multiple people running.

"Yuh just figurin' dat one out Mon Captin?" Remy smirked as he held down the glowing red X on the com. "She's fine! We heading back to de bird. Be seeing you real soon, send my love!" He grinned raising an eyebrow at Jubilee over his shoulder who giggled as they darted around yet another corner.

"Do you know where we are?" She asked half concerned but still giggling.

"Non……Mais I know where we goin' an' dats what matter ,eh?" He smirked and shrugged as she rolled her eyes, shaking her head with an exaggerated sigh.

"GAMBIT!....DO YOU MEAN THAT JUBELEE IS WITH YOU?" Once again loud shouting over static as if Cyclops was more pissed that the teen mutant was with Gambit then missing in action.

"Oui! Dats what I said Cyke!.........Mon Duie, ain't you hitched to a telepath s'pose to keep you in de know how?" Gambit responded in annoyance.

'Just get her back to the plane in one piece. We will talk about it later!" Scott snapped over the link, sounding like a displeased father.

"See de trouble you done got me into!............Den again, always somet'ing wit him!....Was past due for a lecture I spose'." Remy shook his head and blew his bangs out of his face as Jubilee just stifled a laugh. He smiled to him self, better to keep her spirits up then let that mess back there sink in. It would soon enough.

Another corner, another length of ungodly bright hall way but this time three large green……thingies, where headed strait for them and one of them had a gun in it's massive, goo hand. Gambit stopped short cocking his head quizzically at the sight, surprised that the green blobs could form appendages. He was snapped back to flight mode as Jubilee crashed into him unable to stop her forward momentum. Pivoting gracefully he lead Jubilee back around the corner in a full tilt run practically giving her whiplash from the sheer force of his redirection.

"Gambit! It has a gun!" She yelped tripping over her own feet.

"Again,…….no'ting gets past you eh Jubes?" He teased, but kept his focus on finding a way out, back tracking to where he had seen a closed door, the security panel on the outside fried to keep the door from being opened manually. Gambit ran to the door still holding Jubilee's hand. He glanced over the structure then over his shoulder to his young team mate. "Can you blow it open?" He asked cocking an eyebrow.

"Well yhea, but can't you just…" He cut her off with a wave of his hand and a courteous bow gesturing toward the door. She sighed and looked at the task unsure. "Okay,…..here goes nothing!" She focused her energy on the door as Gambit ran back to the corner just in time to intercept the "Slug People" as he liked to think of them, only a few feet away. Instantly he threw two handfuls of glowing cards that sent chunks of the green sludge splattering across the walls.

The Cajun knew by now from experience that these creatures had the uncanny ability to regenerate their goo, or as the good doctor Hank McCoy would probably call it, "cellular structure." This meant he would have to spend a whole deck on these bad boys before they where obliterated into small enough pieces that one could reasonably call them dead or at least not an active threat. It was times like these that Gambit liked to get a little more creative. Throwing another fistful of cards he ducked back around the corner over to where Jubilee had managed to blow a hole threw the thick metal door and was now peering inside.

"Whatcha see?" He asked pulling a small leather pouch from one of his secret jacket pockets, standing next to her.

"A huge room with tons of glass tanks that are broken……..I think there is another door at the other side." She spat in hast well aware of the impending situation.

"It'll do. Go an' blast threw it. Me, I'll be dere in half a sec'." He said in hast pouring a few dozen BB pellets into his right hand. She nodded then jumped threw the hole and raced across the room. Gambit turned to face the remnants of the green slug people who had begun to merge as one to compensate for the amount of genetic material lost during the previous attack. Remy smiled at the translucent blob creature that was now pointing a gun at his head and making odd noises that sounded vaguely like human laughter or perhaps crying. "Bon Svoir mon amie!..........Got some'ting for you,……enjoy!" He grinned throwing a hand full of intensely charged BB's at the creature before diving threw the hole in the door as projectiles from the gun sailed inches past his fleeing back side.

The slug exploded into green jelly that coated the walls as Gambit ducked and rolled onto his feet and took off running to where Jubilee had just blasted the second door. She looked back and saw him coming, yelling at her to go through. She didn't need to be told twice. Jumping through the door she laughed out loud as she practically crashed into Wolverine. Who let out a growl grabbing her by the collar of her yellow jacket.

"Where the heck have you been?!?........I've been tracking you through this whole God damn facility!" He growled with protectiveness.

"Den I t'ink you know precisely where she been homme!" Gambit offered with a humorous smirk as he dove backwards through the hole in the door onto his hands and landing on his feet from a back hand spring with feline grace. The beauty of the landing was ruined however when a short, angry canock slammed him against the wall with an intensity that would startle even Sinister.

"What do you think yer doing dragging a kid through this mess with no back up?!?...........She ain't use to this kinda shit!.......You tryin' to make her a fucking head case like you!?!" Wolverine growled low, his temper on edge, gripping the Cajun's jacket white knuckled. Their eyes locked, steal blue and hell fire red in a fierce stare that instantly communicated the contempt they held for one another. "You smell like blood Cajun!......... What the fuck have you done?!" Logan's whispered growl was punctuated with a snarl and narrowed eyes analyzing his so called team mate.

"Wolvie,…..back off!.....It wasn't his fault. I followed him cause I wanted to watch his back and prove I was a good team mate. But instead I just got in the way and almost screwed up everything……I'm sorry." The teen spoke with genuine and contrite feelings, hanging her head in shame. Logan glanced at her then back to the Cajun who just cocked his eyebrow and shrugged.

"What about the stench of blood?!..........Yeh smell like a god damn slaughter house!" Wolverine growled glancing down at the Cajun's boots.

"Dere was……But Gambit had no part in it. Just had to walk through de aftermath wit de petite on my back…….Didn't wan' her getting dem pretty lill' yellow boots all mucked up." Remy's words where harsh and accented thickly, his eyes blazing with something more then anger at being falsely accused. Some kind of silent rage and grief and guilt that Wolverine had seen and smelled on him before at times when his loyalty was called into question. Logan could tell the man was telling the truth but his scent was confusing which was partially why even after a year on the team, he still didn't trust the Cajun, at least not completely.

Almost reluctantly Wolverine released his death like grip on the collar of Gambit's trench coat and walked over to Jubilee resting both hands on her shoulders.

"I know you wanna prove yerself darling, but going off loan wolf is no way to prove yerself as a trust worthy team mate." He heard a snicker from the Cajun but ignored it. "Next time you see this reckless idiot braking rank and going off with out a word to anyone, DON"T FOLLOW HIM! Yer likely to get killed! Tell me instead." He glanced back as he heard a cough from Gambit that sounded amazingly like the word 'hypocrite.'

"You got somethin' to say thief?" Logan growled unleashing his claws for emphasis.

Gambit was leaning lazily against the wall, legs and arms crossed. He smirked at the empty threat and straitened himself walking casually toward the two. He stopped when he stood right next to the most intimidating of X-Men ignoring the glare and choosing to face strait ahead.

"Dat threats getting mighty old Monsieur Wolverine……..Gonna half to do better den date if'n u wanna see dis Cajun get spooked." He turned and smiled sweetly down at the shorter man. "An try followin' your own advice fore' you go trash talking, eh?" He suggested, continuing down the hall with a smile growing on his face as he savored Wolverine's anger. "You done wit de kiddie coaching cuze I got some drinking to do tonight and time spent in dis place is betta off spent sipping my bourbon." He sauntered away from the pair leaving Jubilee with a smile on her face and Wolverine a grimacing scowl of disdain.

Begrudgingly Wolverine followed suit dragging Jubilee behind him. As they neared the area where the team was gathered Wolverine released his grip of the teen and shoved past Gambit to where Cyclops stood with the others. Beast was scooping up green goo into test tubes as the others accessed their injuries or fussing over Jubilee to see if she was alright. Gambit watched with a wary eye as Wolverine whispered to Cyclops who fixed Gambit with a frown and presumably disapproving stare but with the visor who could tell. The team leader looked from Gambit to Jubilee then nodded as if he understood sighing slightly.

"Alright people, lets move out. We already placed a call to the authorities so this place will be over run pretty soon." The team ambled forward not paying the Cajun a second glace, except Stormy who looked disconcerted and Rouge who looked frustrated. _Talk about a thankless job! Buncha uptight, stick in the mud, brainwashed_……..Gambit's thoughts where consumed with bitter narration as he followed the team toward the elevator to the hanger where the bird was parked. Jubilee sulking, walked behind him, feeling as through she had blown her chance of proving herself. The Elevator door opened and the heard of X-men filtered in.

As Gambit approached the doorway he stopped and whirled around at the same time that Wolverine, already in the elevator jerked his head up in an alarmed growl. From seemingly nowhere a green creature emerged, different from the others, this one was shaped like a human and seemed to have a face and a skeletal structure with muscles and organs all in various stages of translucent existence. It aimed a gun at the moping Jubilee who had barley looked up to see the alarm on her team mate's faces when Gambit grabbed her, throwing her into the elevator as he let a fistful of cards fly toward the green demon. Remy jumped into the air flipping backwards toward the open elevator. As he landed and stepped back threw the entrance a dart from the gun landed in the side of his neck at the same time that the cards made contact with the creature sending it threw the wall.

The doors shut and the elevator began it's descent as Gambit turned toward his team mates pulling the dart from his neck. He looked at it with a cocked eyebrow, examining the thin metal point where a drop of crimson dangled. There was a shared silence of contemplation before Gambit blinked his eyes, feeling suddenly dizzy and weak. He looked up at those facing him, his vision swimming as if he where drunk, his mouth dry and a strange ringing in his ears like after a load explosion. He swallowed hard, closing his eyes and shaking his head as he began to sway on his feet, hands out to steady himself. The other's looked at him with a deepening sense of worry and concern. Night crawler reached forward to help Gambit balance as the disoriented X-man stumbled toward him.

"Remy?" Rouge asked softly. He looked up at her with eyes half opened, breath wheezing and face pale, covered in sweat. His eyes grew slightly as he felt him self loosing control over his own body.

"Uh-oh" He rasped between gasps of air, his expression half amused half disconcerted.

"Goddess!" Storm gasped as Remy fell forward with a groan into the arms of Wolverine and Archangel, the dart dropping from his hand to the floor.

Remy!" Rouge reached forward but was shoved back as Beast took the Cajun from his startled team members, holding him up with his right arm as he used his left hand to open up the Cajun's rolling eyes and examine the pin prick hole in his neck. Gambit gasped as a heat wave starting at his neck spread threw his body making it harder to breath. Nausea gripped his stomach and his vision blurred in and out as he tried to focus on the fury blue face in front of him.

"Gambit!....Gambit what are you feeling?" Beast asked with hast recognizing signs that his teammate would soon loose consciousness. Gambit swallowed hard again, his mouth so dry that his tongue felt like sand paper and his throat constricted. His knees gave out as the heat spread through out his body becoming a numb, suffocating pain.

"Hot,………..sick,……like Vertigo in ere'.'" He sputtered between gasping breaths. "numb….pain…..can' breath……ennghhh…….Mon Duie!" His eyes shut tight as his breaths became fast and forced threw his noise, jaw locked, fists clenched as he began to shake.

"Oh my stares and Garters!" Beast whispered as they all looked down at Gambit with alarm. The elevator doors opened and Beast was first out, scooping up his incapacitated team mate and yelling over his shoulder for someone to grab the dart. Wolverine snatched it up and took off behind his team mates toward the Black Bird shaking his head in frustration that it wasn't him last in with Jubilee the way it should have been. The poison in the dart would have easily passed threw his system in the time that it took the elevator to arrive at the hanger. Now instead he had to sit in the plane feeling guilty for giving the Cajun a heard time, and guilt wasn't something he did well. Like most emotion it usually ended with anger and hostility. Looks like he and the danger room where going to spend some quality time together. He snorted, it was kind of like the Cajun hitting the bottle, everyone had their way of dealing with their feelings.

Once inside the plane, the mood was mainly anxious as the X-men where either occupied with getting the plane up and out or with the well being of their injured team mate. Beast laid Gambit down on a stretcher in the back, instantly stripping the poisoned man down to his briefs and sticking him with IV's and an oxygen mask. Beast frown down at the thermometer measuring Remy's temperature, 104 and rising yet the semi conscious man was visibly shivering, his teeth chattering, fists clenched as he arched his back in response to the muscle spasms that seemed to strike repeatedly. Reacting on instinct Beast summoned Iceman to the back.

"What's up Hankster?" Bobby asked glancing over to Gambit with concern.

"Bobby, I need you to crystallize Gambit's perspiration, his temperature is dangerously high and we must reduce his fever immediately!" Beast spoke with busy hands taping the IV fluids to Gambit's arms and injecting him with a shot of adrenalin to open up his air ways. Bobby looked over Remy unsure if freezing the beads of sweat covering his team mate's body would do him any favors.

"I don't know Hank, he looks like he's already really cold." Iceman mentioned knowing better then to question Beast's medical advice. He was answered by a flustered look and annoyed sigh but before the good doctor could offer a long winded explanation Iceman threw up his arms in surrender then cracked his knuckles he lay his hands upon Remy's bare chest , creating a thin layer of ice over the distressed man.

Remy felt like his blood was boiling through a body made of ice. The pain was rushing through him in constant waves, filling each muscle with acid that caused his entire body to stiffen and lock up. His head was swimming with fragmented thoughts and fever induced confusion while his stomach cramped up with a nauseas pain that would be crippling if he had any control over his body what so ever. The ringing in his ears had become so load he could hear nothing else except the beating of his own heart that was hammering so fast and hard inside his chest he thought it might explode. His attention was divided between trying not to throw up and breathing which seemed to be at odds with each other. He was gonna die, Mon Duie this time he was sure of it.

Psylock exchange a sudden shocked glance with Jean, her expression mildly disconcerted while the red head was in a state of alarm. Jean jumped to her feet and rushed past the others who watched her with confusion. She hurried to Gambit's side, placing a hand on his head and one to her temple, eyes closed in concentration as her brow crumpled sensing his immense pain.

"Hank!" she gasped feeling Remy's panic overwhelm her. "Beast he's going to die…….His body is going through too many processes, his mind can't keep up!" She spat in exasperation trying to help her teammate gain control over his body. Usually it was impossible to infiltrate Remy's mind, but at the moment his shields where completely down as every ounce of his consciousness was being directed to maintaining his basic body functions.

_*Remy,….I am here to help you!........Calm down and try to breath……….I will use my Telekinesis to assist you!* _

Gambit recognized the voice but it scared him none the less. He was not fond of letting other's in his head, but at the moment he needed all the help he could get so he put up no resistance. He focused on his breathing like Jean said but despite the pain and confusion dominating every aspect of his being he couldn't help but notice something very strange happening within his mind. He couldn't figure out what was going on, but he knew that he was loosing himself, as if his memories where being poured into a blender and his consciousness was being sucked into a black hole. He fought against it, grasping at who he was and what he knew, but the harder he clung to his self awareness the less attention he paid to breathing and as a result he was succumbing to unconsciousness.

Jean could sense what was happening but couldn't hold on to Remy's mind as it jerked her violently toward the suffocating despair and confusion of oblivion. She pulled hard, managing to free herself, opening her eyes as she fell against the wall of the Black Bird and gasped for air.

"No,…..Oh God!" She gasped rushing back to Gambit's side as his body seizure, blood streaming from his noise, ears and eyes. "Bishop!........His powers!!!...........Nightcrawler grab a Genoshian collar from the lock box!" She yelled as Gambit's body began to glow from yellow to a hot pinkish white, so bright it was almost blinding. Bishop entered the room and moved to the end of the stretcher holding on to Remy's legs and absorbing as much energy as he could, gritting his teeth as he felt the fire rushing through him. Nightcrawler bamfed onto the scene with the collar in his hand, struggling to place it around Remy's neck as the unconscious man's body rioted, the power singing the hair on all those within a few feet of him.

Hank was hurrying around adjusting every button on every machine as they all began to beep and ring in alarm, some short circuiting as Gambit's power sparked through the IV's. The curtain to the back was thrown open as the other X-Men stared at the scene before them, Iceman and Nightcrawler joining them to get out of the way. Beast was franticly moving to get a suction device as Gambit began to choke on his own blood. Jean was crying, holding both hands on Remy's head that was shaking back and forth, blood splattering her face and uniform. Wolverine rushed forward trying to help Jean by holding down Remy's flaying body as Hank grabbed Gambit's jaw, forcing it open and sticking the suction device deep into his throat.

From the entrance to the emergency medical area Storm pressed her hands together holding them to her lips as she repeated ' Goddess' over and over, blue eyes wet as she rocked. Rouge stood next to her, emerald eyes wide with fear, gloved hands over her open mouth. Jubilee was right behind them, crying as she shook her head, feeling completely responsible for Remy's situation. The rest of the team stood by with a mixture of alarm and disbelief.

"What's going on back there?!" Cyclops shouted from the pilot seat as Arc Angle ran back from the co-pilot seat to assess the situation. He returned to the leader of the X-Men with an expression of shock. "Angel?!......Warren?"

"It doesn't look good Scott…..I think……I think……He's dyeing." Warren sat down in the chair but kept his focus toward the back, his eyes soft with the realization that a man might die. A man he hadn't particularly liked but who was a team mate none the less. Cyclops watched his friend's expression, then turned his attention back to steering the plane, accelerating the speed toward the X-mansion, jaw locked and gut tight. He would be damned if he lost an X-Man, not today, not ever again. It was a promise he had made to himself despite it's foolishness, especially in their dangerous lives. The guilt of letting a man die under his command was more then he could take and a responsibility he never felt comfortable with.

Beast grabbed a syringe full of sedative, looking back and forth from the needle to his patient unsure if the serum would do the trick or cause more harm. Gambit's eyes where rolled back, his mouth open and gasping as blood bubbled out in spurts, fists clenched and body arched unnaturally. Jean was trying her best to make contact but with every plunge into his mind she felt more and more lost in the confusing rush of images mixed with emotions. Wolverine looked up at Beast while using his body weight to hold down the seizuring form of his team mate.

"Common Hank,………We got to do something or he's gonna blow, collar or not!" Gambit's body was beginning to glow again even with the collar locked in place. Bishop let out a cry and jumped back his body trembling with the amount of power absorbed, he had to let it out and soon. Beast hesitated only a moment longer before plunging the needle into Remy's arm which began to glow instantly. Rouge jumped forward and took the glowing syringe the moment the solution was empty and held it tight as it exploded, obliterating her glove and leaving her super strong skin red and blistered.

Gambit's body slowed it's jerks and contortions, the flares of pink and white sparks fizzled out and his gasps for air became less frequent. There was a collective sigh from all as Beast once again used the suction tube to remove the blood spilling out of Remy's mouth. Jean stepped back looking completely frazzled, her hair wet with sweat and her face and hands speckled with blood.

"Here Darlin." Wolverine spoke in a soft tone he only used with the women he loved, handing Jean a wet wash cloth. She looked at the offering with eyes that did not see and a mind still trying to recover from the turmoil she had almost been sucked into within Gambit's poisoned mind. Logan studied the red head for a moment realizing she was not in a functional state of mind and instead gently began to wipe her face as her eyes shifted from a vacant spot to meet his steal blue ones.

Rouge stood next to Remy, holding her injured hand pressed to her chest and using the gloved one to stroke his wet bangs out of his face. She had never seen him in such a way, with a mixture of blood, sweat and tears all streaked down his handsome face, clotting in his constant stubble. Beast had removed the suction tube and was about to check his vitals. He handed Storm a cloth to clean the X-man she looked upon as her thief brother, a kindred spirit, the man she sponsored to join their family but who still after a year on the team kept his secrets and maintained his distance.

Beast ideally wondered if such a brush with death might change Gambit's attitude toward the team and persuade him to drop his defensive guard. Then again, Remy's attitude toward them was a reflection of their own mistrust and criticism of him and so the vicious cycle seemed never ending. Hank had always regretted not reaching out more to their Arcadian team mate, suspecting that he was far more intellectually inclined then he let on. Beast had seen him more then once in the mansion library reading through books only he and the Professor had ever picked up. Once he had dared to enter the room and engage Remy about the novel he had selected but to his dismay the Cajun instantly put it away and made a comment about how useless it was to use so many words to describe a thing and that he'd rather live life then read about it. However, when Beast returned later that day he found the book missing and surmised that Remy had taken it to his room to avoid being found out.

Hank snapped back to reality as he heard Cyclops inform the plane full of X-Men of their approaching landing. He looked down at Gambit who had finally stilled, breaths shallow and body trembling but calm for the moment. Beast then took stock of his emergency medical equipment, most of which had been fried beyond repair. He sighed, looks like another call to Forge for repairs.

"Rouge my dear, allow me to dress your injury before I am otherwise engaged in the health of our distressed team mate." He said retrieving ointment and bandages. The southern bell glanced down at her hand, surprised at the realization of her pain, so accustomed to invulnerability.

"My,…….the ol' boy sure knows how to leave a girl hot an' bothered!" She smiled, trying to use humor to sidetrack her from the worry she felt.

"So it would seem." Storm agreed looking over her friend's scorched palm. Beast began to wrap the bandage as the Blackbird settled into the Hanger. The first one out of the plane was Bishop, running for the opening. He let out a pent up cry of relief as he fired the excess energy into the sky, falling to his knees in exhaustion. A moment later Cyclops was at his side, concern etched into his features.

"Bishop!? Are you alright?" He set a hand on the large man's shoulder, who responded with a curt nod and heavy breaths slowing his hammering heart.

"I had not realized the immense quantity of potential energy LeBeau posses…….It is truly terrifying what that man may be capable of." He whispered between heavy breaths, rising to his feet and once again firing into the sky one powerful blast after another, feeling the power drain from him slowly, allowing feeling to return to his aching limbs and sore muscles.

Cyclops turned back toward the Black bird as he watched Beast and Wolverine carry out the stretcher with Gambit's unnaturally pale form upon it. The other's stood by and watched with tense and worried expressions. He walked toward his team mates, pausing to exchange looks with Jean who was embracing a rather distraught Jubilee, soothing her with reassurances that Gambit would be all right and that what happened wasn't her fault.

_*Team meeting in 15 mins?* _Scott projected towards Jean, seeking in private the advice of his wife and partner. He often confided in both she and Charles that with out her, he would be unable to lead the team and preserve the unity needed to keep the X-men in check. When moral was at a low he was ultimately at a loss for how to deal with the complex and often turbulent personalities that resided with in the walls of the Xavier institute. Having been raised in an orphanage for a long span of his childhood, Scott had learned to keep his feelings inside and maintain a distance from the emotions that would other wise threaten to overwhelm him. It was for this reason he was often agitated and frustrated with Wolverine's outbursts and hotheadedness. With out Jean around to mediate the on going tensions and minor grievances harbored among the X-Men, Scott would have no team at all.

Jean's sea green eyes flittered up toward her Husband, a look of contemplation crossed her brow, before being replaced by a considerate and soothing smile.

_*Better make it 30 honey,………Some are more shaken up then others and Hank may have more he can tell us by then………Plus I need a shower!*_

He nodded once in agreement with out braking his stride and refocused his attention on matter's at hand.

"Alright people,……..Debriefing in the War room in 30 minutes." He paused glancing toward Storm who kept her gaze fixed strait ahead, jaw locked and blue eyes unblinking in an effort to keep her tears at bay. Few understood how close she and their newest recruit truly where, but it didn't take a telepath to see that she was fighting for control over her emotions. Perhaps tonight Westchester would be hammered by an unforeseen storm that would leave the local meteorologist from the news baffled once again.

"Maybe Hank will know something more." He offered with a tired sigh. There was a moment of silence fallowed by an unsure hesitation. Then one by one the X-Men walked toward the hanger door, each absorbed in their own thoughts. Cyclops was the last to fallow, rubbing his temples as he let the gravity of the situation sink in. Time to talk with Charles.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch. 2

Secrets, Secrets are no fun unless you share with everyone!

All where gathered in the subterranean room, showered and dressed in civilian clothes but still wearing the uneasy tension and uncertainty that lingered from the mission. Xavier sat in his hover chair, fingers steepled as he looked out at the faces of his X-Men in quiet contemplation. Cyclops stood across the room, leaning on the circular table and tapping a clear case with a small CD on the table. Every one watched their fearless leader as he looked down at the disk in his hand.

"So what you are telling me,….telling all of us,……is that you gave Gambit an order to gather this information…….and didn't think it was, 'Prudent' to inform the rest of us…….. Even the team leader who is responsible for the success of the mission, not to mention the safety and well fair of the team!" Cyclops's calm was wearing thin and his resentment toward Charles was palpable.

"That is correct Scott…….. I have found that Gambit's particular skills work best when he is operating independently, away from the team……… I had only requested that he acquire the information a few moments before the team had departed through telepathic communication, ….if I had had the time to inform you and if I thought it was critical for you to know, then rest assured that I would have." The Professor offered his explanation with no apologies or sense of regret.

"So that's why the Cajun took off on his own. And here I thought he was after some kinda score,……… Didn't figure he was doing side work for Charlie." Wolverine shook his head with a snarl, "You surprise me Chuck!........ Thought I had ya figured….." He rolled his cigar between his teeth, arms crossed and frosty blue eyes piercing. "You go filling our heads with team work,….. then send us in blind on a false mission objective placing yer trust in the one man here that ain't even trying to earn it." He half growled as he spoke. Storm and Rouge both raised their voices to object against Wolverine's slander but Xavier raised his hand to stop them, then leaned back in his chair with one eyebrow raised at his mutinous X-man.

"Logan, what makes you think that Gambit is undeserving of my trust? You are unaware of the countless tasks he has preformed with the utmost discretion, protecting the good name of the Institute and the X-Men. He has more then proven to be an asset to our goals here, and further more has proven himself dependable time and time again." Charles paused to examine their expressions, some thoughtful, some surprised and others irritated. "Gambit is a Guild trained thief, to ignore the advantages we may gain from his skills simply because we determine his methods to be less then reputable is a level of idealism that, I am afraid we can not afford to up hold." Silence resumed as the gathered mutants digested what their mentor was saying. Not unexpectedly, Jean was among the first to resist the idea.

"But Professor, ….. How are we to claim any moral high ground if we implore the same tactics as those we oppose?" Her face full of uncertainty.

"We live in an imperfect world Jean. And unfortunately it is not only the honest and righteous we must reach out to in hopes of peaceful co-existence between mankind, but the politically powerful and the criminally powerful a like. For both are so intertwined that to ignore one is to lose any sway with the other…….. Gambit's connections to the underworld have greatly advanced my mutant underground as well as the fiscal revenue he has contributed to various organizations on my behalf, and……….acquired from other organizations who's sole purpose is the destruction of all we have worked for!" Charles felt his conviction grow even as the other's became more alarmed at what was being revealed.

"Charles!......... Do you mean that you have contracted Gambit as a professional thief to steel funds from other organizations?" Storm had risen to her feet in astonished disapproval.

"The embezzlement scandal last month concerning the FOH's fundraising accounts!……… Greydon Creed is facing 10 years in prison if he is convicted." Psylock spoke in a thoughtful tone, piecing the abstract connections together.

"Yes,……. He is facing 10 years of prison for crimes he did not commit, while he most likely will never stand trial for the countless mutant and human lives he has willingly destroyed in the name of hatred and bigatry." Charles spoke with a deliberate tone, justifying his actions as he saw fit.

"And the 786,000 that went missing?" Ice man asked with a half laugh shaking his head as he and Warren exchanged looks of disbelief.

"Laundered threw some of Gambit's contacts for a small commission then divided up and donated to various NGO's and human development projects in the third world." Xavier explained in a calm and completely professional tone. The truth was he had never really planned on fully disclosing his underhanded dealings to the X-men, aware of the fragmentizing that might ensue, but the events of the past few hours had forced him to make the decision whether to tell them the truth or easily cast the wool over their eyes with gentle telepathic subliminal messages to coarse their cooperation. In the end he had decided that he owed it to Gambit and the burden he had been shouldering in order to be part of the X-men and maintain his criminal persona.

"Goddess!......... I had brought him here in order to give him a second chance at life. To help other's and live with a higher purpose……. And then you exploit his past and the lifestyle had been forced to pursue in order to sabotage your enemies?!" Storm's eyes where clouded over and her fists clenched.

"Ororo!........ I have done no such thing!...... Remy LaBeau is a thief,………and an X-Man, he whishes to continue living and working as both, and I for my part have granted him this in accordance that he do all in his power to further our cause, which he has agreed too." The Professor sounded exasperated, having never expected this much of an emotional response to a completely amicable agreement between he and Gambit that should have little to no direct effect on the lives of his X-men individually.

Another silence ensued and with it the tension became suffocating. Finally Jubilee broke out with a frustrated sigh, her eyes still wet with tears.

"Look!....What does any of this matter anyway?! Gambit is in the med lab knocking on Death's door as we speak and for what?........ Some stupid disk of info?.......... I mean Jezzz, we should at least look at it to see what he put him self threw hell for!" Jubilee made a sensible and logical suggestion through the guise of a whinny teenager but this time, everyone listened and could find no reason to disagree.

With a frustrated sigh, Cyclops opened the case and removed the small silver disk, placing it into Cyrebro. The complex computer came to life, projecting holographic video onto the center of the War room table. Images of the murdered scientists while still alive appeared as they began conducting experiments on prisoners shackled to exam tables. It was a sort of video journal, chronicling a series of secret government sponsored experiments tested on federal prison inmates found to be carriers of the mutant gene, some manifested and others not. The goal appeared to be the creation of super soldiers, as was so often the case. The X-Men watched with sickening disgust as the men in white coats injected the helpless and panicked men and women with needles filled with a glowing green serum, identical to what Gambit had been shot with. Many of the victims had reacted in similar ways, becoming violently ill, some dieing within minutes, others regaining consciousness only to act out in psychotic tantrums, suffering from vicious delusions until their mania was eventually put to an end by the not so merciful hand of the doctors.

Then a few months into the program a few of the more resilient test subjects that had survived the first initial toxic doses began to exhibit neurological resilience to all of the painful stimuli the scientists used to determine the effects of the drug. The last video was the head doctor locking himself in his office, his white coat splattered with blood, glasses broken. He franticly yelled into the camera that the serum worked but the survivors had broken free and had transformed into some type of mutant hybrid. It had seemed that while the test subjects gained exponential strength, their physical matter had deteriorated to a gelatinous exoskeleton and with it their human minds regressed to a primal state, animalistic but with human emotions such as rage and hostility. The video ended as the door broke down and one of the green blobs overtook the screaming scientist.

The X-Men looked at each other with nauseous discomfort, feeling thoroughly disgusted with everything they had witnessed.

"Might not be right,…… but the egg heads had it coming ya ask me." Wolverine muttered as he stroked his scared knuckles, always harboring hatred toward those who claimed scientific discovering as their right to experiment on unwilling subjects.

"It was as I suspected…… This footage must be delivered directly to our contacts at the oval office, the President must be made aware what is going on with in these top secret research facilities!" Charles sighed, rubbing his temples.

"Why not hand it over to the media? Then the whole world will know what's going on." Iceman suggested.

"Because then the fanatics like Magneto would have yet another reason to rally the angry mutants of the world against the humans." Cyclops sulked miserably, wanting more then anything for this day to just be over.

"Yes, your right Scott. Although it would be foolish to think that Magneto does not know that this goes on. Still, video proof would be just the spark he needed to start his war and we can't let that happen."

"Hey y'all," Rouge cleared her throat as she looked up at them with fearful eyes. "As important as all that is,…… what about Gambit?" She fidgeted with her gloves as once more an uneasy silence settled on the team.

"Cyclops, perhaps you could call down to Beast and see how his patient is doing. He has no doubt by now broken down the base components of the toxicology and can perhaps devise an ante doubt." Xavier attempted to sound optimistic but after viewing the video journal, he felt anything but. Cyclops nodded in agreement, putting aside the earlier argument but keeping it in mind regardless. Dialing the screen code for the med lab, the profile of one Hank McCoy came into focus. He was squinting at the read outs as he chewed on his glasses.

"Beast, can you give us any information about what's going on with Gambit?" Cyclops sounded tired, even to him self. Beast sighed, placing his glasses back on his noise he turned toward the camera.

"Well fearless leader, After reviewing the footage on the disk Gambit acquired, and running some tests on our Cajun amie,……I have some good news and some bad news." He began. "The good news is that Gambit's physiology is one of the most fascinating I have ever encountered. His health in general is almost close to perfect,….. despite the fact that he smokes and drinks more then Logan does." Beast surmised.

"No he don't! He just drinks liquor and I got beer!" Logan sounded offended despite himself.

"Yes my dear Canook and if it where not for that heeling power I have no doubt you would have sustained serious liver damage by now. However unlike you, Gambit has no such power to account for his natural resilience and so like I say, Gambit is quite the conundrum."

"Well that's all fine and well Beast, but what is the Bad news?" Rouge demanded feeling more and more anxious.

:Ah,….yes,….well…..It would appear that because of his,….' unique' physiology, a typical or standard antidote may be quite difficult to devise………. He is responding to the serum in very different ways, as if his body is trying to work around it or counter it somehow, however because of the high dosage, his immune system is completely over run and so his body is fighting it's self…………. One minute his temperature is rising, the next it drops dangerously low then back again…….. He has regained consciousness twice but each time shouted in Creole French then passed back out. …… At the moment I have injected him with a sedative that will suppress some of his symptoms but does not relieve the cause…….. I am afraid that I am at a loss for how best to help Remy, besides continuing basic medical care." Hank scratched his head looking at the chart in front of him. The seriousness of the situation was becoming more apparent and with it

the mood of the team.

"Hank,……..Will he,……..is he gonna become one of those…..those monsters?" Rouge asked in a shaky voice filled with unspoken love. All eyes where on the doctor who sighed.

"I don't think so Rouge,……. But I can't be sure. Those poor souls received this serum multiple times on a weekly basis……… Perhaps, because of his resilience to long term degenerate diseases and, with the help of a detox agent I am trying to create using the Shiar medical supplies we received,……it's possible that he will survive this episode only slightly worse for ware." Beast tried to offer a reassuring smile. "I will contact you the moment his condition changes!" Hank answered the southern belles question before she could ask it.

"Keep us all posted Hank and let us know how we can be of assistance." The Professor commented. He turned to Jean who looked at him with a question in her eyes. "Yes Jean, I will try to make contact with him once his condition has stabilized…… It is late, I suggest the rest of you retire for the evening as there is nothing left to be discussed." He made his sentiment clear, referring more to the earlier conversation then the present. The mansion's residents took the hint and began to disperse. Rouge went with Storm to the kitchen to make coffee as neither woman felt like sleeping while Wolverine headed strait for the danger room. The Professor remained in the War room and watched Scott walk out after a long and even stare. The telepath was left to contemplate the events that had just taken place and what they might mean for the X-men and mutants as a whole.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch 3.

"Help! I need somebody! Help! Not just anybody! Help! You know I need somebody! Help!"

_Pain, fear, hatred, agony, loneliness, despair, guilt. _

_It was all he knew, there was nothing else. An endless cycle of sickening, suffocating,…… Pain, fear, hatred, agony, loneliness, despair, guilt. _

_But that couldn't be it, he was so sure that there was more, there had to be something other then this misery……. Music, YES! That was something,……and…..Art,…….and Love! Absolutely! Love was found in both those things and sometimes in other people…… But why couldn't he feel that now?....why was there so much…..so much pain?_

_Okay, enough!.......... He loved life and all he was passionate about, wine, women, gambling, ……… riding his bike,………stealing in all it's glorious forms! From major corporate sabotages to the common slight of hand thievery,………Just not when people got hurt,………like Genovve,………Guilt, pain, fear………It's not working!!!!!...........Hatred. Agony. Loneliness…….Mon Duie their had to be something else……Despair…… What about sex?....Sex was fun……. But it wasn't when he was younger,……. When he didn't have a choice,….. when others where in control,…..pulling his strings……. There was always someone trying to control him, manipulate him to their advantage…….. that's why he couldn't trust anyone!......... He had made that mistake too many times,…… and it resulted in so much pain,,…… and death,…. And destruction,…….guilt, pain, fear, hatred, agony, loneliness, despair, guilt._

Gambit moaned, his brow furled, teeth clenched, fists griping the sweat soaked sheets as he fought to break free of his inner turmoil. Xavier sat next to him in the med lab making slow but steady progress in his attempt to assist Gambit in his return to the conscious realm. It had been nearly 12 hours since the team had returned from their somewhat successful all be it disastrous mission and Charles had been trying to make telepathic contact with Remy for the past two.

From across the room Storm and Rouge watched helplessly as Remy let out a cry of pain and grief, each feeling their heart ache. For Ororo, it was a feeling of guilt for having asked him to risk his life to be part of a team, a family that she had hoped might embrace him as a brother the way she had. Instead, threw shared blame on everyone's part, Remy included, he ws ever more the mysterious and cunning thief who the majority of X-Men held in high suspicion at all times. Wolverine had even gone so far as to make candid remarks that Gambit had conned his way into the X-Men by seducing half the women. He asked Ororo on many occasions, just how well she new the Cajun thief, claming his "scent was messed up," that he was playing at some larger game then any of them knew. Even Cyclops who attempted to maintain a professional fairness toward all of his team mates had insisted only a few months into knowing him that Gambit was far too reckless and self serving in his manner both in battle and in life to ever truly belong with the X-Men, a statement that Storm felt entirely unfair and extremely judgmental. She had resented Scott that day and Jean had talked with her later, serving as team mediator just as she always did.

What none of them understood, not Jean or even Rouge was how devoted Remy truly was to becoming a better man, to living a life he felt proud of . Storm had been with Remy while seeing threw the eyes of a street wise child, fierce but afraid all the same. She had seen the loneliness in him and it reflected her own. Even at such a young age, she knew that he had been living life as if it where all just a cruel game, a sick joke where he was determine not to be the punch line. Survival at any coast had coast him his soul, or so he told her on nights when he was most drunk and in need of a shoulder to lean on. But in typical fashion, this tender and fragile spirit found it easier to act as if nothing mattered, to cover up how much it really did. Never wanting anyone to see the truth or exploit his weaknesses, he smirked, grinned and flirted his way through life to keep from feeling his own emotions. He needed the X-men and they needed him, she was just at a lost on how to make them realize it.

Rouge's grief was more desperate and direct to the point. Her would be prince charming was in pain, tormented by the drama with in his own body and mind. Being a walking, talking example of head cases constantly battling the voices with in, she felt a compelling sense of empathy, and shared suffering. Beast had informed them all earlier that morning that Gambit was passing into the next phase of the toxin, delirium and madness. She knew from experience what that was like and what a dark and frightening place it was to be in. Rouge knew what it was like to stare at her own reflection and not recognize the girl staring back at her or recalling a memory only to realize it was not just hers, but a hybrid of other's lived experiences. Too often she had to face these episodes of "personality morphication" as the Professor called it, alone trapped in total confusion until something or some one would stand out and help her get her bearings. She saw Remy twist in his sheets, gasping in unspoken horror at the nightmares in his head and she decided then and there that no matter how bad his madness got, she would try to be his grounding post, a stable and constant support through what ever hell he was going through.

The Professor sighed, rubbing his temples as he looked over his distressed X-man. Gambit's psyci was in complete shambles, chaos over riding logic and extreme, fear based, primal emotions dominating all other thoughts. The professor gazed upon the young man, brushing the wet strains of hair from his distorted face as Remy's bottom lip trembled and he whispered hushed words in Creole French. Charles had seen many horrible things through out his life, witnessed firsthand or at times through other's eyes as they relived the traumas of their pasts. The brief and fragmented images he had witnessed with in Gambit's tortured mind where heart wrenching to say the least, full of cruelty and fear. Xavier thought back on what he had seen within the riptide of thought and emotion that was Remy's current mindscape.

Life on the streets as a child was harsh and particularly so for the demon eyed boy who seemed to spend night and day in a desperate fight for survival. Then the constant pressure from the Thieves Guild to fulfill some prophecy that Xavier was not quite clear about yet understood the emense burden on such a young boy, wanting nothing but to prove he deserved their love yet never really believing he did. Then in typical Shakespearian style, an arranged marriage, doomed form the moment it was conceived, ended before it really began leaving an 18 year old banished and on his own. Once again, it was Remy against the world.

It was most likely during this time that Gambit's powers began to flare out of his control, the scares on his knuckles bearing proof .………..And then their was some distorted but shocking glimpses of Mr. Sinister, a man who while frightening under any circumstance, seemed to be Remy's most feared and hated Mind Shadow, characters that lived within ones conscious and where in them selves, more real then the memories they came from. Clearly there was a connection between the two that Charles was not aware of, something Gambit was no doubt planning on keeping hidden from the X-men for,…..well as long as he could.

Xavier felt an over whelming sense of sympathy for Remy, recognizing in him all that was good and bad, noble and dis-honest, upstanding and underhanded, brave and cowardly. He was a man of almost constant contradiction but underneath it all, the cocky bravado, the shameless self indulgence, the self destructive recklessness, and the even deeper, hidden depression, he was a man with his own moral code and sense of what was right. He did not stand by and let others suffer, nor did he put his own well fair before those in need of help. These where the qualities of an X-Man, whether he truly believed that the "Dream" could ever be a reality was of little consequence. What mattered was that he was willing to sacrifice his life for the chance to make the world a better place. The fact that his primary motivation was in such of redemption for past wrongs done did not make his actions any less noble or the intent any less genuine.

"He gonna be waking up anytime soon Professor?" Rouge asked, biting back her nervousness. She strolled over to the other side of the med lab bed and looked down at her Swamp Rat, wondering what current torment was plaguing his mind at that moment. His lips where moving with out making a sound, his eyes moveing beneath closed lids that let small streams of tears escape to mix with the beads of sweat.

"I believe he is very close Rouge. Gambit is fighting his way to the surface of a tidal wave of memories that keep dragging him under. Within his mind, the drug has completely disoriented his mindscape, as if everything he knew has been torn to pieces then thrown into the wind. He is clutching at what ever rushes by, all of it familiar but most of it incredibly painful. I have been trying to assist him in piecing his broken psyci back together but every time I get close to him he pushes me away and hides himself in dark places I cannot seem to illuminate……. To be honest, it is quite exhausting." Xavier sighed again, rolling his neck and preparing to enter again. Closing his eyes, he placed a transportable Cyrebro back on his head and leaned in as he set his fingers on either side of Gambits skull. He closed his eyes and focused on easing his way into the unstable mindscape.

_Instantly_ _he was inside the eye of the Hurricane, watching as glimpses of memory flashed by. It was cold, and unbearably hot at the same time. Xavier looked down and realized with some repulsion that he was standing in blood up to his ankles, a slow river full of skulls and bones with rotten flesh still clinging in tangled forms. Charles fought the urge to be sick, looking up into the pitch blackness that was streaked with lighting fast images of people Remy knew and things he had seen. Focusing with all his mental strength, Xavier managed to slowdown the strobing memories, giving each a few seconds longer to play out before the next came zooming to the fore front._

_The bloated body of a whore Remy knew as a child was washed upon the muddy shore under a bridge that the young pick pocket was huddled under, wrapped in news papers to get out of the thundering storm. Xavier watched in silent dismay as the boy gently caressed the battered, fish eaten face of the dead women, quietly muttering a prayer in Creole French, demon eyes dry and distant even as the rest of him was drenched to the bone._

_The same child, even smaller then before screamed desperately as the older street thugs laughed at his vain attempts to free himself from the tomb they had trapped him in, taunting him that the corps the boy was sharing the tight, cramped darkness with would become a vampire by midnight and that he would be the creatures first meal._

_A Young man stumbled drunkenly into a flea bitten motel room, shaking in pain as his body glowed and pulsed a bright fuchsia. Remy fell to his knees gasping as the skin on his knuckles split and burned, sparks of raw energy ripping from his clenched, bloody fists, creating small explosions all around him, shaking the foundation of the shabby room. _

_The red eyes of a boy barely 13 spied into the third floor window of a blond girl about the same age. She was silently sobbing as an older boy with similar features held her pined to her bed, kissing her neck and using his free hand to slide under her night gown. The mutant thief in training silently picked the lock of his best friend's window and slide gracefully inside, bringing a knife to the older boys throat with one hand and grabbing a fistful of blond hair with the other. He threatened in a voice not yet deepened by puberty that if Julian ever laid a hand on Bell again he would slit his throat and cut off his family jewels to feed them to the gators. Bell took the opportunity to free her self and seize her two, six inch blades she kept under her pillow, next to the purple teddy bear her brother had given her one year for Christmas. Her eyes were dry and there was a lethal look on her girlish face._

_ Xavier gritted his teeth at the raw emotions hammering him from all directions.……………… Pain, fear, hatred, agony, loneliness, despair, guilt………It was bleeding from the blackness and the river was over flowing, rising to his knees, the current stronger and faster as the flashes of memory became one act plays for a captive audience._

*_You'll always be a pick pocketing piece of Bayou trash, ya damn cheating Cajun!…….Never trust a flippin thief with a southern drawl!" An annoyed and intoxicated Logan slammed down his cards after losing another hand one poker night only a few months ago. The words cut deep although Gambit didn't show it, offering instead his devilish grin._

"_Ah, Monsieur Logan, but Gambit never cheats,……least wit cards!" He winked at the Canadian who just snarled and walked away._

"_Dis all de money you got fer me boy!………After spending all damn day on de streets!" A man Charles guessed to be Fagan scowled lifting the small underweight child by the collar of his over sized shirt._

"_S'il vous plait,…..De older boys,……dey take it from Remy!…….I…." Remy's desperate plea was answered by a hard smack across the face, leaving him with a bloody lip._

"_I don wanna here no 'xcuses from you boy!……….I just want my money!…..Now get out dere, an don come back till ya pockets er full!" He shoved the child out the door of the decrepit flop house._

"_NON, NON!……..S'il vous plait!………Dere only be perverts out dis hour!……..,Please, dey gonna hurt me again!" The young boy begged, eyes wide with fear._

"_No worse den I will if you don get otta my sight!………And charge em $20 bucks if dey do!" He answered slamming the door in Remy's face. Xavier felt his fear and his shame, so hard it was almost crippling._

"_If Gambit doesn't trust us, why should we trust him?" Cyclops fumed as he vented to Jean, who sat patiently listening as she sipped her camameal tea. "I mean,…….what kind of message dose that send to our enemies as well as friends to have a thief join the X-men!?" He through his arms in the air._

"_Former thief…….And I would imagine they do not care. After all Rouge was once a terrorist, and Logan,……well who knows for certain, but they have both found a place here with us. Fighting for Charles's dream. Why should Gambit be any different?" She asked with out trying to start an argument._

"_I'll tell you why!……Because neither of them have ever with held any thing from us about their past, or the lack of knowledge they have surrounding it. This Gambit punk, hasn't given us one strait answer about anything since he arrived. All we know is what Storm has told us, and that's hardly anything…….I'll tell you Jean I don't like it, not one bit!" Scott folded his arms with a frown._

"_What is it about him that bothers you so much?" She sighed._

"_Isn't it obvious?…..He's unruly and dangerous!………He's arrogant, disobedient, and callus…….You saw what he did today in the Danger room,……showing off like that!…..If we were in the battle field he might have gotten some one hurt with that little stunt, or even killed……..He's too busy flirting with ever woman that crosses his path to cover his own back, let alone a fellow team mate!………And you ladies just keep lapping it up!" Scott huffed._

"_Why Scott,……you sound jealous!" Jean teased._

"_Jealous?!………Listen Jean, he may be a smooth taker, but beneath all that charm he's a tramp,…... a no good free louder, who drifts around braking hearts and telling lies!…….Why Xavier excepted his application I'll never know!"_

"_Storm says she trusts him with her life,……and that's good enough for me!" Jean set her mug in the sink and left the kitchen, Scott fallowing after her a moment later, neither aware of the pair of red eyes hidden in the shadows, down cast, and clouded over with resentment and pain from his injured pride._

_The river was chest high and Xavier was floating with the dead, mangled bodies who seemed to have awoken, each crying out as they grabbed onto the one living soul amongst them. Xavier fought them off trying to find a way out of the thick red mush that was ripe with hostility and strife. The worlds greatest telepath began to panic as he felt himself being pulled under, giving out a telepathic cry for help so loud everyone within ten miles grabbed their skulls in pain. _

_Just as his head dipped under the ocean of blood, pain and fear, he felt a firm, slender hand grab his arm and pull him up and out of the all consuming chaos, gasping onto the moss covered banks of the Bayou. Charles coughed as he staged to his feet, clearing the blood from his vision he looked down to see a younger Gambit kneeling before him, five long claw marks from his throat to his groin, oozing out blood. His hands where out to his sides palms up, covered in blood, as was his face, coat and the rest of his tattered appearance. His eyes where glazed and drifted from his bloodied hands to Xavier and back down again, mouth whispering a mixture of French and English but mostly, "Mon Duie!....... I didn't know,……Lord help me I didn't know………Dere dead!............ All of em'!......... Slaughtered!.......... S'my fault!...........Mon Duie…………I tried to stop it!........I TRIED!" He had begun to sob, bringing his crimson hands to his face panicked breaths for air wheezing as his wounds gushed endless spurts of blood, staining the green moss red like the river flowing next to it. _

_ Charles kneeled down in front of the shaking young man, racked with grief before him. He reached out, setting one hand on his shoulder and using the other to lift his face, studying the persona of Gambit's younger self and gauging his age to be about nineteen or twenty at the most. He was lost in the immense grief and terror of the memory, trapped in the cycle of guilt and pain, unable to realize that he was living in the present and not the past._

"_Gambit………Remy,…..look at me." Charles spoke calmly but with authority trying to lock eyes with the younger Remy who appeared to be in shock, mumbling incoherent Creole slurs, his eyes scanning everything around him. It was then that Xavier realized the bayou scene was gone and was replaced by dark, red tunnels, the stench of death and burning flesh strong. There was the distant glow of flames, and the piercing screams of lost souls begging for their lives. Xavier looked around, his gut tightening as he recognized the scene of horror. He looked back at Gambit, feeling sick and disgusted but most of all the heaviness of heartache._

"_Gambit!" The wide, glazed, demon eyes drifted down to meet the Professor's, looking lost and defeated. "Gambit, What happened here?....... How where you a part of this,….this madness!?" Xavier locked his jaw as he felt a quiet rage building within him even as he recognized the remorse and sorrow in the other._

"_Remy didn't know!.......... Remy lead dem in……… showed dem de path,….. de path they paved wit the blood of the Morlocks!.......... Je suis dessole!..... I am so sorry!.......... God forgive me!" Tears streamed down his face, cleaning tracks through the bloody mask._

"_Why?........HOW COULD YOU?!............ WHY?!" Xavier shook the sobbing man feeling his sympathy give way to rage. Remy shook his head back and fourth, fists clenched and body trembling._

"_Didn't have no choice,……… Remy try to get away,……… try to fight back but,………but….." His voice was low and filled with shame. "I didn't want to!.........Remy don't wanna hurt no body!........ S'il vous Plate!.............. Remy sorry." The voice grew smaller as did the figure before him, transforming from an anguished young man to a frightened child. The boy looked back up at Xavier, his hair matted and sticking to the dried blood on his face. He had a gash on his for head, a black eye and a split lip with a bloody noise, He looked half starved and with no shirt Charles could see deep purple whip lashes decorating his back. The boy was hiccupping as he held tight to a half epty bottle of gin in one hand and a switch blade in the other. Xavier felt his anger drain slowly at the pathetic sight of the battered child, even knowing that it was a deliberate manipulation by the adult sub-concisions _

_Once again the scene around them had changed and Xavier found himself in a rain storm, kneeling in an ally way next to a dumpster. The boy was drunk, swaying where he sat, then leaning his soaked form against the side of the dumpster. "Look Monsieur………De devil his self………is alive and well!" The boy hiccupped and gestured toward an old abandoned church, set behind a small, old grave yard across the street from the ally. _

_The professor looked up, and over toward the grave yard, deciding that while the ally way represented New Orleans, based on the brick and the spoiled confetti and beads strewn about, the image beyond it was in day light, some where else, some where rural and isolated. Xavier stood up, leaving the boy behind, he walked toward the end of the ally and over to the grave yard. As he made his way towards the lush green grass, he looked back, not at all startled that the ally was gone, replaced by a dreary, gray dirt road lined with rotted trees. Feeling extremely tired and slightly overwhelmed, the Professor rubbed his temples before continuing on. He walked past the moss covered, over grown tomb stones, unable to make out any names. As He approached the church he noticed how cold the rain was pouring on his skin. He stepped threw the threshold and looked around at the rotting pews and the broken alter. He walked along the aisle, stepping over liquor bottles and exploded remains of bibles. _

_At the end of the last row he turned and saw the haggard figure of Remy, cradling a bible to his bare chest and rocking. He was wearing a pair of jeans much too big and a large red flannel shirt that hung loose on his scrawny shoulders with battered cowboy boots, none of which where his own. His young face was covered in dirt and grease with at least a weeks worth of beard. His demonic eyes where wide and glued to the door, dark circles emphasizing a pale and gaunt face, his expression pure fear. Xavier took in his appearance, noticing the circular burn marks on his forehead and temples, .and what he could see of his arms had bloody bandages running along his veins. He wore the distinctive circular bruise of a recently removed Genoshian collar and matching lacerations on each wrist, bare and meaty as if he had pulled free of metal barnacles. Xavier approached the frantic young man who's skin had begun to glow with energy. Remy's mumbled prayer caught in his throat as he struggled to gain control over the explosive powers that coursed through him._

_ He did not seem to notice Xavier or just didn't care even as the Professor called out to him. He took a step forward then stopped as Remy began to shake more intensely, his powers ripping threw him and exploding the Bible that he had thrown in the air only seconds before, sending his scrawny form crashing back against the wall as the pews nearby where shattered, dust and debris filling the air as bits of paper rained down around the barley conscious mutant. Once again Charles looked upon the miserable form of his future X-Man, whishing he had sensed the young man's desperation the way he had for his other X-Men, reaching out to them in their moment of need. But Remy's mind was always shielded, a skill he must have developed at a very young age._

_Before he could muse any further on the manner, there was the sound of a transit rip, the sound causing the half dead Cajun to crawl on his hands and knees over broken wood and glass to hide behind the broken alter, gathering small bits of debris as he went. Xavier realized he could do nothing to intervene and so watched in dismay as a large, dark eyed Scalp hunter walked into the abandoned church, Gun resting on his large shoulder. The Marauder grunted as he looked down and kicked one of the empty bottles with his toe, eyebrow raised at the blown up surroundings. He sighed lowering his gun and picking up a bottle that had a few swigs left. Gulping down the contents, he tossed it to the side and walked slowly toward the alter._

"_Don't know why you keep on running kid, you know it only makes that shit ten times worse." He stated rather matter of fact. "I can tell yer powers are getting worse Remy,……… can't keep going on like this or you'll blow yer self tah pieces." Scalphunter sighed sounding almost concerned. He walked right up to the alter, staring at it as if he could see the huddled form behind it. "Essex can fix ya Remy. Help you control your powers so that shit that happened at the theater in Seattle wont happen again……… A lot of people met the grate spirit that night Remy,……and all cause you couldn't keep a lid on that energy……… I know it hurts you,………Seen you red and shaking like a bomb………It can go away, the pain, the fear………But you have got tah stop fighting Essex………He can track your mutant signature any where on this globe." He sighed again, and Charles could have sworn that the stone cold killer actually felt sympathy for the man he was hunting down. The bounty hunter turned his back to the alter, sighing again as he examined his gun, switching it to stun. "Face it Remy,……you got no where to go, no where to hid and not a soul that will help you……Once Essex puts his mind on something it's done………You're his newest pet project and he ain't gonna let you go,………not now,………not ever." The last words where said as a hopeless and absolute declaration. _

_Without warning Remy sprang to his feet, using a shard of glass to slice the throat of his one time friend and betrayer. He cried out in desperate anguish as he pulled the jagged piece of glass deep across the other man's throat, cutting his own hand in the process. His breaths where labored and his eyes panicked. "No body own Gambit!" He whispered as he watched the large native American fall to his knees, blood spurting from his throat. "M'sorry Gray……You didn't give dis poor boy no choice!"_

_Without another second of hesitation he dove over the dieing man, rolling to his feet and began to sprit towards the entrance of the Church when suddenly he was stopped in his tracks by the foreboding shadow of Mr. Sinister. Remy gasped falling back, and pushing him self away as fast as he could, eyes wide in fright. Grabbing fist fulls' of glass and splintered wood that caused blood to trickle down between his fingers and over his hands, he jumped to his feet and took a few steps back, waiting for the shadow to manifest into the devil him self. As expected his wait was not long as the white faced scientist and self proclaimed genetic engineer stepped into the door way, the red diamond glowing so bright his black eyes appeared to be nothing but empty holes into hell._

_Remy reacted quickly, charging both fists full of debris and throwing the charged matter toward the evil manipulator of life with uncanny accuracy and speed, the power of the explosions lethal to any mortal man. Sinister was thrown back out of the door way and Remy turned toward the back of the church running for the rear wall that exploded as he threw a charged glass bottle with out breaking stride. Professor Xavier found him self caught up in the drama of the past, sharing Remy's anxiety and fear. In the back of his mind Charles realized suddenly that Gambit had to be an empapath and that was why his emotions and feelings where so strong and present through out the tour down memory lane. _

_As Xavier fallowed the memory of Gambit towards the hole in the wall he stopped short as he heard the steady metallic foot steps echo behind him. Sinister was marching toward his wayward marauder in training with an unforgiving scowl as his body rapidly pieced it's self back together. He paused for only a moment as he looked down at the carcass of Scalphunter, viewing him as only another failure before continuing on. Charles found him self holding his breath as the fierce man stalked past him and out the hole with the telepath close behind._

_Charles watched hopelessly as Sinister raised his fist and shot a single devastatingly powerful beam in the direction of the young mutant who was running as fast as his exhausted legs would carry him. He closed his eyes with a sigh lowering his head as he tried to remind himself that this was merely a moment in time long past and that Gambit was for the moment, free of the geneticist, at least in the physical world through mentally appeared to be a whole different story. He looked back up as he heard the grunt of pain from afar and begrudgingly fallowed Sinister toward his injured pray. Gambit was face down in the mud, trying his best to crawl away, the red flannel blown to shreds reveling a massive 3rd degree burn covering the majority of his back. Sinister stood over the young mutant who vainly attempted to push himself up onto his hands and knees. The creature known as Essex remained lock jawed as he circled the injured man before giving him a powerful kick that sent him flying, landing hard against a near by tree._

_Xavier shuddered at the sound of broken ribs and the howl of pain Remy released as his severely burned backside collided with the rough tree bark. Once more Sinister walked toward Remy who was hardly able to see from a bleeding gash over his left eye. The defiant, mutant youth grabbed a handful of rocks and dirt, flinging them in a sweeping motion at Sinister, the impact only enough to cause him to stumble backwards before continuing on. Remy sat himself up right leaning against the tree, gasping as blood trickled out his mouth and down his chin. Charles braised himself for another blow that he would no doubt catch the emotional after math from, already feeling the hopelessness and vulnerability coupled with agony and despair that seemed to cover him like a blanket._

_ To his surprise however, Essex squatted down and grabbed the thieves chin roughly, eyes examining the damage done._

"_Well LeBeau, it would appear that in my zeal, I have punctured your lung……What do you have to say for your self my ill behaved boy?" Essex voice held a mechanical detachment but also some amused form of concern._

"_Go……Fuck…..ya ….self!" The obstinate young thief replied spitting up blood as he spoke. Sinister sighed letting go of the youths head as it lolled back and forth barely controlled by it's owner. The mad man stood again, and with a wave of his hand opened up the tressec portal. He turned back and grabbed Remy by his shoulder length hair. Leaning over, he hissed like a serpent._

"_You will learn to obey me, even if I have to rip you apart and stitch you back together a thousand times!................. I own you! Now and forever!" With that he heaved the mutant thief over his shoulder, Remy whimpering in response. They vanished into the transport portal and just like that Xavier was once more alone in the barren mindscape, barley noticing as the surroundings faded to black._

_The telepath came to his sense as a distant cry echoed down the dark corridor, bouncing off the metal walls that where lined with green lights. Xavier felt sick and tired but mostly anxious as he took a step toward the door that seemed a mile away. The screams where desperate and so full of pain that Xavier had to lean against the wall for support as the raw emotion throbbed all around him. One step after another brought him closer to the door and behind it, unspeakable horror. With each step he fought with him self, ignoring every instinct to turn and run in the opposite direction. His breath was short and the build up of foreign emotion straining his already exhausted abilities. As he neared the door he recognized the piteous voice crying with in as Gambit, gasping out Creole curses even as he begged God for death, and a Voodoo queen for his deliverance. His screams for mercy for ever unanswered. _

_Charles's hand shook violently as he reached for the door only to be stopped by a gloved hand, three of the fingers cut out. He looked up with surprise to see Gambit at his current age standing before him, lit cigarette hanging from his mouth. His eyes fixed steady on the Professor as he shook his head in quiet refusal._

"_Me, I t'ink you done seen 'nough, Non?" The voice was calm but stern. He reached up taking another long drag from his cigarette, face lit by the orange burning ember._

"_Gambit….." The professor glanced from him to the door that radiated pain and unimaginable terror._

"_Dere aint no-ting in dere Proff 'cept a head full of nightmares." The X-Man spoke softly, with a comforting smile, throwing Charles off as always._

"_Gambit………Remy, what did he do to you?" Xavier's voice choked, full of heart ache. Gambit shook his head again. _

"_Don't rightly know………..Keep dis door locked or de screaming sure to drive dis ol' boy crazy." They looked down as a puddle of blood leaked from under the door and around their shoes. Gambit gave a weary sigh, wrapping his arm around the older man, he guided him away from the door. "Common Proff,……We got betta places to be!" He mumbled, the smoke still dangling between his lips. Xavier reluctantly fallowed, feeling guilty but relieved to get away from the door and the immense suffering that lay behind it._

_They where back in New Orleans, the dark hall way becoming a sleazy ally where a john and his whore had drunken sex amidst the trash cans. Gambit smirked and snorted bitterly. "Home sweet home!" The two gentlemen turned the corner and made there way into an unmarked bar, lit with cheep dull lighting and full of depravity and complete indifference. Xavier tried to limit his revolution at the blatant debauchery and filth that surrounded them as Gambit led them to a booth in the back. They each sat and without a moments delay a bottle of Jack appeared on the table with two greasy glasses. Instantly Gambit opened the liquor taking a few large gulps directly from the bottle then passed it to his guest. Xavier fallowed suit feeling as though a stiff drink was exactly what was needed to help him gain distance from the torments he had bared witness to. After a brief silence Remy spoke, his eye line focusing on a disgusting man at the other side of the bar, a large scar decorating his face._

"_I gave him dat!........ Took a broken bottle and slashed em' cross his face…….. Must have been only 7 or 8 at de time……… Didn't really ave' no birthdays to help me keep track, not till Jean-Luke took me in as his own." Remy mumbled absently as he took another gulp._

"_Why?" Charles asked, watching the sleazy figure from a fare._

"_Parqoiu?........ Ya mean why'd I slice em'?" Xavier nodded his reply and Gambit fixed his gaze back on the man, eyebrow raised. "He wanted somet'ing Remy wouldn't give em' so he try an take it by force." He smirked again, ashing the cigarette that never seemed to get any smaller. "Round dese parts ya gotta be ready for de perverts cause dey always looking for de next meal, an Remy ain't going down wit out a fight!" He scratched the stubble on his neck and took another drag. "So what brings you to my humble abode Proff?............. Gambit certainly don't recall inviting you? His words where casual but underlined with steel as he cast Xavier a side ways glace._

"_You need to wake up Gambit, you have been unconscious for many hours and trapped, it seems in an onslaught of negative memories and emotions." Xavier spoke to the point, not whishing to spend another moment experiencing the hellish memories. Gambit nodded sensing this was the truth._

"_Ain't sure I'm ready to wake up, me……… As bad as all dis is, Kinda use to it,……ya know, being my own head an all." He took another swing from the endless bottle and a drag of cigarette. "Gambit got a feeling dat dere some kinda crazy goin on an once I wake up………. It gonna be too much for me to control……… Got a lot of demons me, usually keep em quiet during de day and drown em out at night." He lifted the bottle for emphasis taking another swig. "You taking a stroll through Remy's mind gotta mean my shields are down. and if I ain't got no control on my shields means I'm in a bad way, non? Don't t'ink waking up wit' dis shit running whiled is gonna do me any favors………Just gonna make a fool outta poor Remy and maybe cause em' tah hurt some one……. Betta off in here trying to sort through dis shit storm den jumping fucked up head first into reality, non?" Gambit took another drag chased with the Jack._

_Xavier sighed in frustration at his stubborn nature but also wondered if he was not correct in his assessment of the situation._

"_Gambit, it is true that upon waking, these memories will alter your perception of reality and induce hallucinations and violent delusions,……… However, the madness has been triggered by chemical compounds that will only become deluded and eventually subdued if you regain an attachment to reality. By becoming cognitively active, normative brain functions will resume, the naturally occurring chemicals will then drive out the toxins that for the moment, are just stewing in your gray matter." Xavier attempted to persuade Remy with a hopeful possibility that he tried to pass off as a certainty. Gambit glared at him side ways clucking his tongue with a jaded smirk._

"_Come now Proff, you can't cheat a cheater sure as you can't bluff a Cajun!" He shook his head rolling his eyes and muttering in French as he brought the bottle to his lips. Setting it back down he sighed and rubbed his eyes. "But I suppose it does make a sort of sense,…… not my kind a sense,…..but dat kinda scientific gibberish gotta count for somet'in." Both men looked up as a fight was breaking out between two scrawny, scantily dressed women. They where pulling on each others hair and one was striking the other with a high heel. "Guess it is 'bout time we get on up otta here………Getting sick of watching dese two pecking hens go at it…………De blonde's gonna get de Red head's heel right in her eye. "He snickered with a bitter twist of a smile and muttered a prayer crossing himself._

"_Gambit, where are you in this memory?" Xavier looked around, in bewilderment, a feeling he was unaccustomed to._

"_Ain't no Gambit here Proff,………Only Remy." Gambit met the Professor's eyes, his expression unreadable as was usually the case . He raised his arm, finger pointing to the opposite corner of the bar, at a table near by the screaming bar fight. Xavier turned his head and caught a glimpse of a small hand reaching into the coat pocket of an older man with long greasy white hair and two teeth who stood on the outskirts of the brawl. Charles squinted and again saw the hand dip into another pocket, then another. A flash of auburn hair, a scurry of movement along the floor between the dirty tables and tipped over chairs, then a small boy with demon eyes appeared, carefully pulling a long knife from one man's boot, putting it between his teeth, and crawling away._

"_Here it comes." Gambit mumbled taking another drag, head down shaking it as he turned away. Charles's attention was drawn back to the memory as a blood curtailing scream sounded over the other drunken yelling, silencing the crowded bar. The blond women fell on the ground screaming, blood covering the left side of her face, a six inch high heel shoe lodged in her eye. She was begging for help in French, body shaking as only a foot away, hidden under a table, a young boy sat hugging his knees to himself, eyes wide as saucers, a blade clenched in his small fist. Remy rocked himself, closing his eyes tight as the woman screamed even louder as a man grabbed the shoe and tried to pull it out. _

"_Closing' your eyes don't make it go away Petite." Gambit spoke softly as he headed for the door, not bothering to turn around, not needing to. He knew this memory, the image of the junkie whore as she cried out to god, mumbling her final words as she turned and saw Remy, her one bloodshot green eye meeting his red on black ones. She had sobbed, exclaiming that the devil had sent a demon with an angels face to take her down to hell. Her final words, choked with fear, the bloated, blotchy face, twisted with pain and covered in blood had haunted his dreams for years._

"_Common Proff,………You right,……we got tah get outt here." Gambit sounded even more exhausted then the Professor was. The two men walked out of the bar and into a rainy night in Paris not far from the Notra Damn. "Merd!..... So how we gonna do dis ehe?" Charles's noted Gambit's unease at the surroundings, wondering what this particular memory would reveal about the mysterious Cajun who suddenly seemed a lot more transparent._

_*We are in the Med lab at the Mansion, I want you to close your eyes and focus on the reality of your physical form, not the illusion of this memory.* The Professor switched from speaking to telepathy as he focused his energy on bringing both their astral forms back into there physical bodies. * Just listen to the sound of my voice Remy,………Can you hear the sound of the machines beeping?* Xavier felt the familiar numbness grow in his legs as he once more was entering his paralyzed body. He could also sense Gambit's anxiety increasing and with it his heart rate. *Try to relax Remy.*_

_*I can feel de heat Prof,………my body hurts,………still sick.* Remy's voice sounded raspy and his breathing labored._

_*Don't fight it Son,………it's time to wake up.*_


	4. Chapter 4

Ch. 4

When madness consumes all that we know, We may learn everything.

Xavier opened his eyes, letting out a breath of relief as he took in his familiar surroundings. Beast was near by staring at the franticly beeping machine monitoring Gambit's heart rate. Jean, who had been standing across the room with Storm and Rouge rushed over to the Professor, concern etched across her beautiful face.

"Professor! Are you all right?.........I felt your Psychic panic only 10 minutes ago. We all did……………I was about to attempt contact but then I realized you where returning." She had placed a hand on his head and one on his shoulder, always his most attentive and concerned pupil, understanding far more then other's the strain such telepathic endeavors often induced.

"Yes Jean, I am fine now thank you." They both turned there attention toward Gambit who was moaning, his body shaking and sweating. "He's waking up Jean, and when he does, he will need all of our assistance to help him regain his grip on reality." Rouge and Storm moved closer, standing at the other side of the bed as Beast moved closer to join him.

"Your right Professor, he is gaining consciousness." Hank watched his patient wearily, afraid of what might fallow next.

Gambit was back in his body, not that he had ever really left, but still, now he could feel the sickness in his body and the confusion in his mind. He struggled to open his eyes while reminding himself that he was gonna be crazy but that it was just the drugs, it would pass. But what if it didn't? Or what if the Professor was wrong, or he wasn't really Charles Xavier but Sinister instead. NON! It's time to wake up, it's time.

Slowly Remy opened his eyes, just a sliver. The light in the room was so bright, his eyes stung and his vision blurred. He felt feverish, throat dry and constricted, and the ringing in his ears was back, but it faded in and out letting him hear those around him.

"Charles, his eyes are sensitive to the bright lights." Ororo's beautiful voice was the first he heard.

"There,….. we have domed the lights for you Remy. Can you speak to us?" Beast's voice was gentle and slow, as if addressing a retarded child. For some reason, Remy found this notion deeply insulting. He opened his eyes wider and tried to sit up but found the room spinning.

"Oh Mon Diue." He moaned falling back into the sweat drenched pillow. He coughed and wheezed a few breaths, eyes closed then opened them again. "Water, S'il Vous Plait!.......Please." Remy wasn't sure why, but he felt afraid, afraid that none of this was real and that those around him where not friends. Crazy, stop being crazy LeBeau! His breath was still labored but now his eyes where wide open, scanning the room, his vision was distorted and blurred like a bad acid trip.

"Remy, it's okay Sugar!..........Just try an relax." Rouge's soft southern twang was somewhat comforting but didn't change the fact that the room was spinning and he felt completely paranoid. Beast cupped his team mates head with one hand bringing a cup of water to his parched mouth with the other. Remy struggled, turning his head away, lips tight together. Poison, that's what it was, poison!

"Calm down Gambit, it is merely the water you asked for, now be a good lad and open your mouth." Beast spoke firmly but soft and patient.

"Non!.....Non it be poison!" Remy pushed the doctors arm spilling the water as he tried to free himself from the tangled bed sheets. Rouge held him down as The Professor reached out, cradling the side of Remy's face, bringing the frantic eyes to meet his own.

_*Remy!............No one is trying to Poison you……. Remember that you are sick from the drug…….. We are your friends,……. Your team mates care for you…… there is nothing to be afraid of……. You are safe.*_ Xavier's gaze was strong and held Gambit's, his thoughts full of comforting emotions. In return Gambit's eyes communicated the panic and inner turmoil that was playing out in his crazed mind. Xavier could sense the overwhelming fear and building frustration over his vulnerability. Despite this, Remy steadied his breathing and nodded his head in response. He turned back toward Beast, opening his mouth like a baby bird as the Blue doctor carefully administered him the water he needed so badly. Drinking it down, he raised a shaking hand to the cup wanting more faster.

"Easy Gambit,……take it slow." Beast chided. Storm stood behind him watching with watery eyes. When the glass was emptied he fell back again coughing and sputtering, running his hands through his sweaty hair.

"Monsieur Bete,……….dere ain't no-ting dat can stop dis madness?,……..I can't hardly see or t'ink……….. Si vous Plait,…… I'm begging ya,……..jus' make it stop!.......Please, Mon Duie make it go away !" Remy mumbled as he stared up at the ceiling shaking his head and pulling on his hair. Storm leaned forward taking his entangled fingers gently and holding them in her own as she used her free hand to stoke the side of his face.

"I am afraid not my friend. But I am certain that you will overcome this bout of insanity as you do most ever other obstacle." Hank did his best to sound cheery and uplifting, but it was doing little to comfort Remy or reassure him.

"We will get through this my brother. The X-Men are a family, one you can count on to be there for you no matter what should happen." She stroked his sweaty locks and fought the urge to cry as she saw his lips began to tremble and jaw lock, eyes shutting tight against the tears.

They where shocked when suddenly he burst out laughing bitterly, hatred shining bright in his demonic eyes.

"Please Stormy!........ De X-Men be happy tah get rid of Gambit in a heart beat!.........Dey don' want dis Cajun t'ife ere'!............ You do!.......... You like 'aveing me around cause all dis strait lace, do gooder shit be suffocating dat wild streak you got running in you as deep as de Wolverine's love of de hunt!" Gambit laughed again at their shocked expressions as he threw off the tangled sheets and stumbled out of bed, nearly falling forward before being caught by Rouge's strong arms. She steadied him and looked at him with an expression of such hurt, it silenced his laughter.

"So does that include me too swamp rat?......... I am an X-Men,….. does that mean that I wanna get ride of you?........ Do you really think that I've been wasting all this time flirtin and teasing you cause you mean nothing' to me?................. Or is it cause I mean nothin'…….WE mean nothin' to you?" Her eyes searched his own, her brow knit and beautiful lips curved in a slight frown.

The room was silent, all awaiting his answer, the tension thick. Remy took a step back, standing on his own two feet but swaying slightly. His head felt like it had been stuffed with cotton balls, buzzing fly's and firecrackers that set off sporadic explosions of pain that sent ripples of color through his vision and made everything seem to be melting. Rouge's words echoed in his ears and her feelings seeped deep into his own gut pouring through his crumbled shields like sand. He looked away from her swallowing down the nauseous feeling of guilt and resentment that was both hers and his. He shook his head, trying to clear his confused thoughts and looked back up at the woman before him, her emerald eyes narrow, hands on her hips.

"Chere,…….are you mad at me,…….or am I mad at you?" Remy asked her with a nervous quiver in his voice, face betraying the confusion and anxiety he was feeling. Everyone in the room exchanged looks of bewildered amusement, quiet smirks beneath raised eyebrows. Rouge's look softened as she sighed and rolled her eyes, closing the distance between them as she embraced the unstable man who had sat down on the bed, running her gloved fingers through his mess of hair.

"Naw Remy,…….We ain't made at each other. Your just a little confused huh?" Rouge stood back smiling down at him with a gentle, loving expression, stroking the side of his face. Remy's eyes where half open and off to the side, lips pouting as he nodded his response.

"Can' seem tah keep anyt'ing strait in my head me!....... I…….Gambit don' even know which ways up an' down any more." He buried his face in his hands moaning as once again the room began to spin and his vision swam. The buzzing had returned and with it a migraine that was blinding.

"Beast!: Rouge yelped as blood startled to trickle out of Remy's noise. Hank pulled Remy's hands away from his face and lifted the younger man's chin, eyebrow raised at the steady flow of crimson pouring down Remy's noise, dripping off his chin. Near by Jean turned and looked to Xavier who was reminded of the memories he had witnessed with in Remy's mind. He shook his head and excused himself from the room muttering that he needed time to rest and gather his thoughts. So much had been reveled but what should be shared with the others? That was the question that nagged Xavier, a question that had to be answered.

A few hours had passed and Beast was at his wits end with the slightly psychotic, mostly unreasonable, and completely frustrating Remy LeBeau. The mutant thief had almost destroyed the med lad in sudden outbursts of paranoia, exclaiming in French something about a mad scientist, or the devil. Finally Hank asked Rouge and Storm to take Remy for a breath of fresh air, recommending that afterward the danger room might be a more suitable place to house their temperamental teammate.

With Rouge on one side and Storm on the other, Gambit made his way through the mansion, hesitating every once and a while to ask where they where going, or where they were at the moment, constantly scanning the surroundings threw the dark shades he insisted on wearing, feeling slightly less vulnerable.

"Where still going outside for a walk around the lake Sugar….. Common, …..it's okay." Rouge sighed slightly exasperated but smiling sweetly. Remy begrudgingly continued on, taking careful steps. He was wearing a pair of sneakers, blue gym shorts and a white tee- shirt, freshly showered which had proven to be an adventure in it's self with Remy claming that the water was full of screaming voices.

As the three round the corner of the upper level, heading toward the back porch, Gambit stopped abruptly, sensing the energy of someone nearby.

"Hey Remy,…… How ya feeling buddy?" Bobby asked in fake enthusiasm and a kid friendly tone as he rounded the corner. He reached forward to rest a hand on the other's shoulder but Remy jumped back, eyes narrow and fists clenched. "What?" Bobby asked confused/

"Easy Sugar,……..it's just Bobby,…..Iceman…… You remember." Rouge spoke softly stepping between the two men as Storm placed a hand on Remy's back.

"I ain't hardily in de mood for non of your jokes Robert!....... No ice or Gambit'll blow dat smug grin of yours right off dat pretty boy scout face!" Gambit practically growled sounding more like Wolverine then his smooth talking Cajun self. The others all looked at him, surprised by the hostel tone. Remy walked past them mumbling curses in French as he angrily stormed out the screen door.

"Gezzz!..........What the hell was that all about?" Bobby scratched his head and leaned against the wall watching the Raging Cajun walk angrily across the back yard.

"Just don't pay him no mind Sugar…….. He's still all messed up in the head……. Don't know what he's saying half the time." Rouge reassured as she slipped out the door to fallow her distressed prince of thieves. Storm sighed offering Iceman a sympathetic smile.

"Come my friend, let us see what Kitty has made for lunch." Storm guided him toward the kitchen, glancing over her shoulder, out the door to where Remy was kneeling on the ground, Rouge crouching in front of him. It was better, she thought to not crowd her moody thief brother and let Rouge who clearly had a growing attraction to him, keep Remy safe.

Outside Gambit had fallen to his knees as a sudden rush of anxiety took his breath away, coupled with another blinding head ache that ripped his skull in two. He let out a cry and then began to moan as he rocked in pain, fingers gripping the sides of his head. Rouge was kneeling in front of her anguished love reaching out to sooth him.

"Dessol, dessol!.......... Stop screaming!.......... S'il vous plait!........ Gambit didn't mean to!" He slammed his fists on the ground, gritting his teeth, eyes shut tight.

"Remy,….Sugar,………ain't nobody screaming, I swear it!" Rouge pleaded with him, reaching out as he pushed her away.

"Non!........ Gotta Go!" He gasped sitting up, eyes wide open, sunglasses fallen to the ground.

"Go where Remy?" She asked sitting back up from where he had pushed her to the ground.

"De Devil knows I'm 'ere!............. He wants me to lead de hounds of hell,…… but I won' do it!.................YOU HEAR ME YOU BASTARD!........ CONARD!................. I WONT DO YOUR BIDDING!" He jumped to his feet and took off running, his grip on reality finally slipping into complete psychosis.

"Remy wait!" Rouge jumped up and flew after him, keeping a slight distance as she felt empathetic waves of fear and desperation rock against her.

Gambit was sprinting through Xavier's estate, weaving between trees as his heart hammered in his chest, and the world around him spun. Someone was fallowing him, up in the air. Tracking him down in order to bring him back to Sinister. _Fuck that! Gotta Get away,……keep running LeBeau, ………… don't stop…………..Run!_

He stumbled as his vision shook, slamming into a tree then collapsing to the ground and rolling. He tried to get back up but once again his head was throbbing and a debilitating sense of vertigo set in. Gambit lay on his back, dirt smeared on his face and shirt ripped from the tree. His eyes rolled, mouth gasping as his fingers dug into the earth clinging to the sold ground. _Fight it Remy,………It's just that fucking poison making you so crazy,…………Mon Duie the world is pain………Someone coming close,……… Duie don't let it be him!_

Rouge landed on the ground as Wolverine appeared through the trees, both alarmed by the sight of Remy's contorted form, blood once again spilling down his noise as he mumbled in French, back arched and eyes rolled into his skull.

"Rouge,….go get Hank!........I'll keep him from choking on his tongue." Logan was calm, but serious kneeling down next to Gambit as Rouge flew back to the mansion in search of the good doctor. "Common Cajun,…….. get a grip. Just calm down." Wolverine lifted Remy into his arms, cradling his head and using a bandana to wipe the blood away. Gritting his teeth, he let out a growl in empathy as Gambit began to shiver, coughing and spitting up more blood. "Hey Gumbo,…….it's okay,…… just……take it easy kid!" Logan spoke in a voice far gentler then he was use to especially when addressing his Cajun team mate. He had never really trusted Gambit, sensing that there was something incredibly dark that he was keeping hidden from them, using his charm and his cocky, carefree persona to make everyone think he was just a simple backwater boy, into gator hunting and gambling. A suave ladies man with a Robin Hood complex and an adrenaline junkie.

However Wolverine wasn't fooled by the act. He had been around the block more times then most and had acquaintances that moved in all kinds of different circles. He knew for a fact that Gambit wasn't just a guild trained thief, but was one of the most infamous, world renowned thieves ever to be on Interpol's top ten list. Despite this, other then an Ace of spades left at the crime scenes, the international agency had nothing really to work with, no finger prints, pictures or even descriptions, proving that Remy, while full of him self, wasn't a complete moron. Logan had also heard from certain contacts that Gambit had been exiled from the New Orleans Guild at the tender age of 18, and that there was blood on his hands. And then there was his past connection with Sabertooth, a connection Logan had yet to piece together but was determined to get to the bottom of.

At the moment through, none of that seemed to matter as Remy's eyes settled back on the intimidating X-man, his breaths evening out and his trembling body becoming limp in Logan's arms. The eyes he saw, red and black, were the same eerie yet familiar ones he and the others had grown accustomed too. Yet at that moment they were different, as intense as always but more wild and crazed. They shook back and forth in their sockets, with his gaze focused on Wolverine. Those eyes spoke volumes about the man who owned them, announcing to Wolverine just how out of his mind Gambit truly was. Normally Logan could only guess what Gambit was thinking, what mischief he was hiding behind those laughing eyes. But at that moment, they scared him as well as intrigued him. Unpredictable, and irrational,……….he was capable of any thing, and that thought brought Wolverine's senses up to high alert.

Remy's eyes narrowed, as he breathed angrily threw his noise. "Want you want Homme?" He hissed in response to the mixed emotions he was getting from the Wolverine, a man who seemed to threaten him daily with his deadly claws and who made it clear to Remy that he was not his friend, only a temporary comrade in arms. Logan responded with a mild snarl still cradling the younger man in his arms.

"Just trying to save yer sorry ass from chocking on yer own blood Gumbo." Logan responded, keeping in mind that Gambit was not in his right mind or health and so shouldn't be discarded on the ground. He could smell the sickness on him, the high fever and the disoriented equal Librium, but most of all the fear and anxiety.

"Gambit don' need your help Wolverine!.......... Or your pity!" Gambit struggled out of the other man's arms, rolling onto his hands and knees crawling a few feet away when he stopped suddenly, his breath catching in his throat. Logan's senses perked up as he felt a shift in the air around him, his hair sticking up and a strange burnt taste and smell surrounding him.

"Gambit………. What,…….what are you doing?" Wolverine's fist clenched as he felt the metal on his Skelton start to buzz. Gambit's eyes where squeezed tight, his body was once more trembling as his skin began to glow pink, sweat dripping from his brow as he fought against the immense force of energy coursing through his body, trying to contain it's destructive quality.

"You best get away from me mon amie!......... I can' keep de charge inside,…….. too much energy,………can' control it………. Mon Duie………it burns!" He gasped, opening his eyes wide as the world around him danced about in charged atoms and molecules, his heart pounding in his ears and the buzzing wine of electricity cracking all around him. "Unnnnghhhhhh…………ahhhhhh……….Can' take it!" Remy let out a anguished cry fallowed by a ghost of a whisper as memories flashed before his eyes of an old theater in Seattle. He was no longer in the wooded estate of the X-mansion, but inside the inferno, the red curtains burning as all around him things exploded and frantic screams filled his ears. People where dyeing even as the air around him was alive with kinetic energy. Smoke, fire, blood, death……. It was the first but it wouldn't be the last time he was responsible for so many deaths all at once, all without reason, without intention ……without purpose.

Wolverine's eyes grew wide as Remy glowed brighter then he had in the Blackbird on the way back from the mission. He gritted his teeth as the hair on his arms began to sizzle, the soil and rocks around them exploding. Wolverine jumped to his feet, running toward Beast, Jean and Rouge who where crossing the lawn as fast as they could.

"GET BACK!.............. HE"S GONNA BLOW!" The Canadian shouted right before an explosion erupted on the outskirts of the woods, sending the man hurling through the air toward his team mates. Rouge reacted quickly flying into the air to catch Logan as Jean used the full force of her telekinesis to create a force field around the explosion preventing the debris from flying in all directions.

"What in Tarnation?!" Rouge exhaled as she landed on the ground with Wolverine.

"Logan?..........What happened?" Beast roared over the noise of trees shattering and the rain of soil.

"I got no freakin clue Hank……. One minute, Gumbo looks like he's gonna pass out,…. Next he's a human bomb." They where already heading toward the smoking, dust filled empty patch of woods where their team mate lay. Coughing as their lungs took in the debris filled air, Jean waved her hand to clear the gray fog with her mind.

"Oh my….." Rouge gasped as they took in the sight before them. At least fifty trees had been reduced to charred, smoldering stumps in an area of almost 100 square feet. All around them branches where still on fire and the soil was scorched black with a layer of white ash falling on them like snow. In the middle of the clearing, was a ditch five feet deep and twenty feet wide. Cautiously the X-Men moved closer until they where standing at the edge looking down upon their team mate who remained on his hands and knees, shaking as his skin slowly returned to a normal, all be it flushed state.

Gambit was naked, bits and pieces of his clothes and shoes lay scattered around him in the pit his explosion had created. He was covered in dirt and ash, his palms bleeding from blisters. He slowly sat back on his knees, looking down at his bleeding palms, his body shaking more intensely as the last of the glowing energy faded from his redden skin. Blinking down at his bloody hands he closed his eyes, jaws locked as he clenched his fists making the blood run faster.

"Oh Remy." Rouge cried softly, biting her lip.

"I'll tell Nightcrawler to fetch his jacket." Jean said as she closed her eyes projecting her thoughts toward Kurt. Beast was already down in the ditch approaching Gambit with careful steps.

"Gambit,……my friend?.......Will you allow me to asses your injuries?"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?" The out burst was sudden and unexpected, taking them all by surprise as Gambit shook his bleeding hands at the sky eyes wet with unshed tears. Then just as suddenly he collapsed on to his side, crying and laughing in utter madness, mumbling in French.

Storm was now there accompanied by Iceman and Shadow cat who had seen the explosion from the house. Their presence was fallowed by Cyclops and the Professor who first had to turn off the security sensors that assumed the explosion was an enemy attack.

"What the….." Bobby started but shut up on his own when he saw Gambit laughing, covered in dirt and blood. Nightcrawler teleported onto the scene with Remy's trench coat in his hands. With eyes wide he crossed himself muttering a whispered prayer in German for his team mate who was backing away from Beast, cursing him as a hound of hell.

"Beast……" Kurt tossed down the coat then stood back with the others all gazing upon Remy's trembling form.

Henry knelt down near Remy, who was crouched in a fighting stance, blood dripping down his arms and eyes scanning those around him. _I'm surrounded!...... Just gotta take em out one at a time. _Remy fixed his glare on the Blue doctor, preparing for a fight.

"Remy,…….. Please try to calm down……. I just want to help you." He took another step forward and another when Remy suddenly fell forward, gasping for air as he was struck again by a panic attack that took his breath away, filling his throat with stomach acid. Hank saw his opening and took it, taking another step forward, he wrapped Remy in the trench coat then scooped him up into his arms, holding his limp figure against his big furry chest.. "Breath Remy,…….just breath. Your safe, it's okay." Beast spoke as if to a frightened child, feeling only slightly patronizing because in truth, that was exactly the frame of mind his teammate was in. Gambit opened his fiery eyes wet with tears and looked up at the doctor's face with an expression that made Hank McCoy want to cry. Remy didn't have the strength to fight it. He felt warm and safe but in his head he knew it was all a trick, but his thoughts were so fragmented he couldn't understand what was happening. Images kept flooding his mind and with them emotions of fear, guilt, shame, anger, humility, rage, hate. His head throbbed with all the thoughts and mixed emotions, pounding in his hears along with the constant buzzing and the echoed whispers from voices that hunted his memories.

Remy's bottom lip was trembling, eyes searching the familiar face, then he blinked with recognition and asked in a shaky voice,

"Henri,…..is dat you?" He reached his hand up to the doctor's face, feeling the fluffy blue fur. He let out a stifled sob and laugh of relief burring his head in his friends chest. Hank smiled but then frowned at what he heard next. "Mon amie, Remy t'ink…He is dieing, non?"

"No,…No Remy, you are just sick, very sick but you will be just fine. You are not going to die, not today!......Your strong Remy, in peak condition. You will be ok." Hank rocked his friend, trying to reassure Gambit as well as himself. From up above, the others stood and watched, unsure what to expect next.

The sound of heavy foot steps was fallowed by the X-man Bishop who appeared on scene, weapon loaded and ready. He stopped when he was suddenly in the middle of the charred clearing, faced with the other X-Men at the edge of the miniature creator. Bishop quickly assessed the situation, before lowering his gun with a heavy sigh.

"I take it we are not under attack then?" The time traveler sounded more disappointed then relieved.

"No,……….. It's just Gumbo exploding everything in sight!" Wolverine grumbled rubbing his knuckles where the sting from the kinetic charge still lingered in his adamantium.

"Wolverine,…….. what set him off?" Cyclops questioned as if suspecting the Canadian played some part. He was answered by a snarl.

"Don't go trying tah blame me for this………… Like I told Beast, one minute he's passing out, next he's bursting at the seems with power……… Said he couldn't control it,………… like he's done that before." Logan said scratching his chin in contemplation.

"I believe he has." Xavier answered moving his hover chair to the very edge of the creator. "Henry?" He inquired. Beast looked up at the Professor with a weary sigh then back down at his patient who was mumbling Creole prayers, eyes closed tight and face pressed into Hank's chest.

"I think he will be alright once I bandage up his hands. His power has burned his palms practically raw,……… most likely because he was attempting to withhold the charge within." Beast surmised, rising to his feet with the Cajun in tow.

"You mean he blew up this whole area without even trying to?.............. Jezz,……. Wonder what the damage would have been if he wasn't holding back?" Iceman pondered out loud.

"Three maybe four acres,………….possibly more if he really put his mind to it……… I think it may be best that we place a suppression collar on his neck,……. Just for the time being until he has regain control over his powers and his mind." Xavier mussed, eyes fixed on the barley conscious man in Hank's arms. Images flashed through Charles's mind, images he had seen only glimpses of in Gambit's mind probe earlier that day. An old theater, red curtains and cherry wood covered in flames, terrified screams drown out by the explosions all around them.

"Charles?" Jean placed a hand on his shoulder, concerned by his distant gaze that had drifted to a still flaming, charred stump, the fire bringing the memory fragments to life. He blinked, taking a breath before returning a comforting smile to his pupil, setting a hand on hers. He turned back to Beast who easily lept from the creator to the even ground, cradling his team mate. Instantly Rouge was at his side, Storm lingering a few steps back.

"Remy?" Her voice squeaked as she used a shaking gloved hand to stroke the side of his face. Remy opened his eyes a fraction, completely disoriented but somewhat comfortable and too exhausted to even try to figure out where he was or what was happening.

"He needs rest Rouge,……. And frankly, so do we." Beast offered a comforting smile as he headed back toward the mansion, some of the other's fallowing his lead. Xavier remained where he was, his gaze returning to the scorched earth around him and thoughts consumed with what he had uncovered about his most mysterious X-man, and all the new questions it brought to mind.

"Got Something on yer mind Chuck?" His attention was called to the gruff Canadian, who was leaning against a nearby tree, flexing his hands to get the irritating buzz left from Gambit's charge dispersed. At his remark, Cyclops and Bishop who had remained as well looked to their mentor waiting for his answer. Wolverine walked slowly towards Charles, blue eyes sharp and focused. " You seemed awful sure that Gambit has blown his lid before,……… something you wanna tell us?" His tone was gruff, an accusation more then a question.

Xavier inwardly sighed at Wolverine's always so perceptive senses and intuition. He met the man's eyes with a cocked eyebrow, then let his eyes fix on Cyclops and Bishop who where fallowing the others lead, forming a half circle around the Professor, arms crossed and jaws locked.

"No more secrets bub!........ What do you know about the Cajun that ya haven't told us!" There was a tense silence before Xavier leaned back in his chair, studying his few X-Men.

"In order to assist Gambit's recovery and help his mind regain consciousness, I had to enter his mindscape and located his conscious persona………….. During this process, I witnessed several of his most painful and …….. disturbing memories." He paused, trying to considered his words carefully. "Remy has had a……. difficult life,….. beginning with a traumatic childhood and a stressful young adulthood…………….. I believe that sometime after he left the Thieves Guild,…… his powers may have developed out of his control and an explosion of this magnitude, possibly larger occurred,……… resulting in death." He paused again gagging their reaction. Cyclops shook his head rubbing his mouth with his other hand on his hip. Bishop's jaw locked and he stood up even straighter while only Wolverine seemed unfazed by the admission, as if he had expected as much.

"There's more." Logan said quietly, gaze still intense as ever. Charles sighed, pinching the bridge of his noise.

"It is likely that this catastrophe was fallowed shortly after by some form of involvement with Mr. Sinister,……. That again may have resulted in more death that Gambit was indirectly part of." Xavier felt only slightly reprehensible for divulging such a half truth, but he felt it important for Remy to confront his past and explain himself to the others in his own time.

"SINISTER!....... He worked with Sinister!" Scott was passing now fists clenched. "Of all the evil, sadistic,……. Insane…." He was furious with Xavier but particularly with Gambit. "And he never told us!........ He knows our history with that maniac and he never said a god damn word!" Cyclops fumed.

"Based on your reaction Scott, is it any wonder?" Charles responded calmly. "And from what I witnessed with in Gambit's mind,….. he was not a willing associate,……. He was in fact a prisoner and was most likely tortured into cooperating." This new information quieted Cyclops's out rage and gave each pause for thought. After a space in time Wolverine let out a grumbled sigh.

"Always knew there was something dark hanging over Gumbo's head…… Figured in his line of work, probably got involved with all kinds of scum. No surprise either that he's got blood on his hands and guilt on his conscious from carrying out orders and doing dirty work for Essex…….. Stupid kid was in way over his head." Wolverine stuck a cigar in his mouth and struck a match.

"I knew that there was reason not to trust LeBeau. He has deliberately concealed the truth from the very people who relied on him with their lives……….. Tell me Professor, do you not find his conduct unacceptable and unbefitting an X-man?" Wolverine rolled his eyes at Bishop's self righteous speech.

"Look, the Cajun might be chicken shit fer not coming clean with us bout his past but that don't mean he's gonna turn tail and run when we need him….. Gotta give Gambit a little credit……… Actually makes more sense now that I think of it. He's trying to make amends for the sins of his past,……….. not to mention using us as a safe house……… Never could figure why he'd be so willing to put his life on the line, specially since he's such a cocky, self absorbed conman." Wolverine seemed completely at ease with the new understanding of their team mate while Cyclops remained silent and Bishop just shook his head.

Finally after what seemed like an hour Cyclops let out a sigh, running his hands through his air. "Okay,….. so Gambit was at one time, 'involved' with Sinister and most definitely is responsible for deaths,….how many, we can't be sure……. But, they where on accident or he was forced into it. How, why, where, when,…… this is what we don't know and what we need to find out!" Cyclops was speaking more to himself then to his team mates, trying to figure out what the facts where.

"Scott,….while I agree that the circumstances surrounding Remy's association with Sinister and the actions he was forced to perform as well as the effects of his uncontrolled powers should definitely be brought to light…… For the time being, I suggest we concern ourselves with Gambit's immediate welfare rather then his past tragedies…….. Once he is well again, we must let him know that he will not be alienated or asked to leave the X-Men based on mistakes he has made………… But first, he must learn to trust us, and feel as though we will be there for him." He pointedly looked at each X-Man with the silent communication that each man had to overcome their own prejudices' toward Gambit if they where ever to learn the truth and more importantly, if he where ever to truly feel like a member of the X-Men. The men exchanged looks with one another before begrudgingly nodding their consent. "Good,……….you three are the only one's aware of this and I think it should remain that way until Gambit himself is able to explain what happened." Again he was answered by grumbled nods as the men turned back toward the mansion leaving the Professor to contemplate the future results of his actions.


	5. Chapter 5

Ch. 5

A Friend in need is a friend indeed!

Remy opened his eyes and looked around the softly lit room. He recognized it as one of the side rooms, curtained off from the med lab in the mansion. There was music playing, Mozart, and it was soothing to his ears. He began to sit up when he stopped suddenly as pain shot threw his hands and up his arms. Looking down, he was surprised to see both hands wrapped in bandages, not having a clue as to why. His hair was damp and he felt clean so he must have been bathed recently, then bandaged. It was then that he noticed the collar around his neck and a surge of panic gripped him.

Concentrating Gambit tried to remember what had happened. He felt sick, like he might have a fever, and his head was foggy,…. Was he drunk? Gambit began to feel frustrated with confusion, a reaction that surprised him since he was use to keeping a level head when faced with the unknown. Regardless he felt irritated and bothered, needing to get up and find out what was going on. He attempted to unlock the collar but with his hands hurt it was useless. With some degree of effort he fumbled out of bed, shivering in his gym shorts and no shirt. Gritting his teeth in slight pain he wrapped himself in a blanket from the bed and soundlessly crept toward the curtain. He stopped right before it studying the silhouettes of his team mates in the other room. One must be the good doctor, the other looked like Jubilee.

"Are you sure there's nothing that he needs or like, you need?.... Cuze I can totally go bring you whatever!" The teen fire cracker was rattling on as usual but with a pleading tone that sounded like she might cry. Concerned, Remy listened carefully as the Blue doctor sighed in mild irritation.

"Jubilation,….. I assure you that both Gambit and I are fine and do not require any assistance. I appreciate your offer but really my dear,….. I will not hesitate to call you for what ever I shall need in the future." He sounded tried but gentle as all ways. There was a pause before she spoke again, her voice shaking slightly.

"I saw what he did,……. Out in the woods………. Bobby said it burned his hands." Her voice was so soft compared to her normal speech patters. Gambit cocked an eyebrow looking at his hands when he suddenly got a flash of running through the woods, afraid of,…… of someone fallowing him. The memory of the woods on the mansion estate quickly merged with one of him running through woods somewhere in the state of Washington, all too aware of the monster chasing him, Sinister. Gambit choked on the pure fear and desperation that griped him as he struggled to stay in the present, focusing in on Beast's voice.

"It did Jubilee,….. Remy received 3rd degree burns covering the palms of his hands………Apparently, in his delusional mind state he was unable to control his manipulation of charged matter……. Logan said it was as if the air it's self was electrified." He spoke as if deep in thought. Gambit felt a sickening wave of nausea threaten to overwhelm him as he pictured the world around him burning from his charge, he could here the constant buzzing and feel the raw energy coursing through him. He opened his eyes with a breath of relief as he felt the suppression collar kick in to over drive, keeping the power buried, but the burn with in was still intense. Mon Duie, that explains the burns and the collar, he had blown up the woods just like he had blown up that theater in Seattle. He closed his eyes and he was there, coughing from the smoke, eyes stinging as he tried to move but couldn't, a large piece of burning wood pinning him to the ground, burning through his trench coat and searing the skin on his back. The heat was too intense, the pain agonizing.

Gambit fought against his own mind, desperately trying to remain in the present and not be overwhelmed by his memories. He opened his eyes just as he stumbled forward into the curtain, grabbing it for stability and letting out a shocked, "MERD!" as once again the pain in his hands was alive. He fell to his knees cursing and holding his injured hands to his bare chest.

"Gambit!" Jubilee's high pitch squeal did little to add comfort. She was on him like glue before Henry could tell her to back away.

"Hey……..Petite." He sputtered threw clench teeth, eyes bright with pain and forehead dotted with sweat.

"JUBELATION!......If you please my dear!" Hank bit his tongue shifting the teen out of his way to examine Remy who was shaking from the pain.

"Gambit!.......Remy,…….I am going to give you a pain killer,…… it will reduce the fever as well." The usually confidant Doctor seemed slightly unsure, worried about the drugs reaction with the poison. But for Remy, the drugs would just add another level of confusion and so he shook his head adamantly, jaw locked as his nostrils flared, trying to breath through the pain. "Gambit,…….. please,……..you must stop fighting and allow me to assist you!" Beast insisted reaching out to take Remy's bandaged hands and make sure they weren't bleeding.

"Non,……..no more drugs Monsieur……….Can't t'ink strait!" Gambit's heart rate was rapid as he focused on slowing his breathing, feeling increasingly light headed and dizzy. "How long Remy been out?" He asked shaking his head and blinking to get rid of the spots in his vision.

"Only a few hours,……. And Remy,…………you don't need to be able to think strait…….. Your safe,…… your with friends." Beast spoke with one hand on Remy's shoulder and the other lifting up the young man's chin. Beast studied Remy, trying to determine if that was the reason he did not want the pain killer that would greatly relieve his suffering. Under the other mutant's scrutiny, Gambit felt instantly uncomfortable, wanting to be as far away from the med lab as possible.

"Oh Remy I am sooooo sorry for everything!.......... Please forgive me!" She whispered, tears raining down her cheeks. Bleary eyed, he turned to look at the youth, a confused frown decorating his handsome face.

"What you rattlin' on bout Petite?.......... What you need forgiven for?" His voice was shaking but his breathing was evening out.

"You saved me from that green slug thing……… you blew it up but it shot you with a needle of some kinda weird drug and that's why your so sick and like going insane and stuff." She began to mumble as Gambit's eyes grew and Beast sighed shaking his head and rubbing his tired eyes. Remy looked from her to Beast and then down at his hands. Despite the hammering of his heart and the increasing throbbing behind his eyes he was silent.

"Gambit?" Beast asked growing concerned by his silence.

"Am I gonna turn intah one of dem?" He asked with his eyes closed, brow knitted in concentration. Beast sighed, unsure how to answer.

"I don't believe so Remy……….. I think your metabolism works at a truly amazing rate and the drugs effects should process through your system relatively quickly………. I think you will be fine." He said reassuring Gambit for the millionth time that day. Remy opened his eyes, feeling the weight of the situation entirely too oppressive.

"Need tah go…….. Gotta get out of ere'!" He crocked as his heart began to rapidly thud in his chest.

"Gambit, I really think it is for your best that you stay here and rest. If you are hungry, Jubilee can bring you something to eat, something gentle like soup and dry toast." Beast addressed the last bit to the Teen fire cracker who rapidly nodded her consent.

"Non,……. Just need to breath, get my head clear!" Gambit managed to stand, leaning heavily against the wall, keeping his hands drawn to his chest. "Need a smoke too!" He said sounding out of breath.

"I assure you my friend that is the last thing you need!........ Now come and lie down in this bed and let your mind relax." Beast tried to coral Gambit through the curtain back to the bed but he swiftly spun and dodged out of the man's grasp determined to get away. In the blink of an eye Gambit was through the door and sprinting toward the elevator using a reserve of energy even he didn't think he had. Slamming in the key code with just the tip of his finger that stuck out of the bandage, he jumped in just as he heard Hank call out his name only a step behind him. The hunt was on and once again Remy found himself on the run and not at all sure why.

The door opened on the ground level and he felt a tight, restricting pain in his chest. _Need air,………Can't breath in here! _He made his way up the stares, feeling like his legs where made of lead, each step harder then the last. He finally collapsed on the second floor and began to crawl toward his own room feeling as though he had to hide, if he could just make it inside the door he would be safe, but safe from what? He didn't have the energy to try and figure that out, he just needed a calm place to be alone and get things strait.

Reaching the door he struggled to get up onto his knees and leaned heavily against the door painting. He couldn't move a muscle, his arms weighing a tone. Once more Remy felt a surge of panic as his body became numb with a dull pain. He couldn't feel his hands, his arms, his legs or his feet. It was like he was a brain inside a lump of flesh, conscious but completely detached from his physical form. The image of the green slug people came to mind and he began to hyperventilate. Mon Duie he was becoming one of them! He opened his mouth to call out for help, but nothing happened.

The door across the hall opened up with a grunt and a few whispered curses. Gambit's gaze was locked strait ahead on the floor when a pair of cowboy boots walked in front of him. From above his head he heard a gruff voice that sounded more annoyed then menacing.

"Hank,….. I got him. He's in the hall outside his room." Wolverine spoke into the com badge as he eyed the Cajun, who despite the rapid heart beat and heavy breaths seemed completely paralyzed.

"I see, well perhaps he should be moved to his own bed if he refuses to stay in this one………. Logan my dear friend, would you mind keeping an eye on him until Rouge, Storm and Jean get back from their mission. I am terribly behind in my report for the National Health Corps regarding the Legacy Virus and….." The babbling Doctor was cut off by a short growl.

"I ain't no babysitter Mc Coy! Can't anybody else take a turn watching the Cajun Nut job?" He barked.

"I am afraid not my Canadian Comrade. The others are all out on the mission to the mutant youth center in Vermont, Angel and Psylock are on leave and Bishop, Cyclops, Nightcrawler and the Professor are re-wiring the security system as it was damaged by Gambit's explosion."

"What 'bout Kitty or Jubes!" Wolverine demanded as he started to pace, glaring down at the other man who had slid down onto his side, red eyes blinking up at him, mouth half open as wheezing breaths escaped his lungs.

"I have just asked Kitty to take Jubilee out to the city as her enthusiasm to help was becoming a hassle. Besides,…… if something should happen you are better prepared to deal with it!..................Now Logan I must get my work done. Thank you and don't hesitate to inform me if there is a medical emergency." Beast sounded down right pleased to dump the Cajun onto Wolverine's hands, where as the other was less thrilled.

Gambit had been forced by his own inability to move or communicate to lay there helpless and listen to the entire conversation. At that moment he hated Logan, and Beast and all of them for witnessing his weakness and for so hurting his pride. But most of all he hated himself for being so completely vulnerable and not making it a few more feet through his own damn door. The humility of the situation was almost unbearable, until he remembered the team all standing over him after he lost control of his powers. That was decidedly worse.

Wolverine crouched down before his enabled team mate and let out a sigh, blue eyes locked with the fiery red ones. He saw in those demon eyes the hatred and humility, the pain of which burned Gambit worse then his blistered hands. Logan lowered his eyes for a moment feeling slightly guilty for adding insult to injury, knowing from first hand experience what it was like to be talked about or talked to like an invalid.He remembered several occasions when people, many of them team mates, had used that same tone of voice with him, attempting to keep him calm while he was feral. He didn't blame them of coarse because at the time it was necessary, but it injured his pride, and he sometimes felt resentful afterwards.

"Alright Cajun,……….. I'm gonna get yah up and dumb you in yer bed." Logan waited a moment for a response but received only a dull, angry glare and wheezing breaths. "Well,…… at least I wont have tah put up with that smart ass mouth of yours!" He grumbled as he grabbed his teammate and through him over his shoulder. Standing in front of the door he sighed again in mild frustration, having forgotten that Gambit had installed his own high-tech security system to insure his privacy. "Ughhhh,……..Don't suppose you wanna tell me the code ehe Cajun?" Wolverine smirked as he let lose his claws. "Ah well,….. this'll work." One swipe of his claws and he was in. Walking a few steps inside, he was taken aback by the room's furnishings and décor having never been in the other's room.

Wolverine walked forward and none to gently dumped Remy on the King size mahogany bed then admired the wood work. "This looks like an antique!........ Hand carved too…….. Nice Gumbo. Knew you had an eye for the expensive stuff, but always figured it was just a professional thing." He wandered around the room as Remy lay limp on the bed, eyes tracking the Canadian as he fought to move his extremities, the numb pain fading to a prickling sensation. "Gotta admit kid,…… never really pictured you as the classy, antique type." He smirked again as he examined a particularly expensive looking painting, then casually meandered over to a Grandfather clock next to a fancy book case that held a vast number of hardcover's ranging from the classics to non-fiction books about art, advance computer codes, Vault and Lock Mechanics, Stocks and Investments as well as various textbooks on almost every language known to man. "Never really took you as the book type either, but then…." He turned and smiled at Gambit, his wolf like teeth gleaming as he gave the thief a wink. "You wanted to keep us X-Men in the dark huh?........Let us think yer just some dumb hick so we don't bother taking a closer look at the things you do when yer off duty………. Trying to play us the same way you play everyone else!" Wolverine laughed and then walked toward Gambit, who was beginning to move, but with clumsy jerks as his head rolled about, his eyes remaining fixed on the menacing X-Man, as his heart race increased. "Well I got news for you Bub,……… You can't play me,...... and now that yer an X-Man,…… there's no such thing as off duty!" He leaned over Remy to make his point but his self assured smile faded when he saw a single tear drip down his cheek, then another.

"Why you hate me so much homme?" The question was a whisper from a broken voice, his eyes reflecting the deep sadness and utter despair. Gambit had tried to fight it, to block out the animosity directed at him by Wolverine. All of it was just too much, the madness once more taking hold as he felt convinced that Logan was about to torture him in order to find out,….. well find out whatever it is he wanted to know.

"Look Cajun,…. I don't…" He was cut off by an anguished cry.

"DON'T!............" He banged his injured hands on Wolverine's chest, eyes wide and dispirit, but dangerously fierce, bright with fever and tears. "Just do what it is you do, ehe!.......... Cut me open, …..stab me,……..Gambit don't give a flying fuck!...." His back arched as he began gasping for air, his noise bleeding again. "Ain't afraid of you Wolverine!........ Met de Devil me,……… been sliced and diced……..ungh,………and fucked wit…………huh…. Hugnh………my whole life!" Gambit was sputtering, gritting his teeth as one pain filled memory after another flashed before his eyes. Wolverine found himself once more cradling the other man and wiping the blood, sweat and tears from his face. A serge of panic hit the Wolverine but was quickly replaced by a calm awareness and natural instinct that he relied on in times of stress.

"It's alright Gambit,……..Just cool it!........ God damnit Cajun!" Remy fought him, striking out and twisting to get free, no longer in his bed at the X-mansion, he was just a kid, scared and fighting for his life. His attacker was bigger, stronger and ruthless, wanting everything from him. It was a pervert from the streets of New Orleans, then it was Sabertooth, snarling about how tasty his blood was, then it was Grey Cow then Sinister. Gambit flew off the bed and frantically crawled to the corner, Logan grumbling about not making his hands bleed. "Stop!............ Damnit Remy!........Hanks gonna kill me." Logan stood and approached Gambit who was rocking in the corner, knees pulled to his chest and arms defensively over his ducked head. He was mumbling in French, so fast that Logan could hardly make out a prayer here or there. Wolverine walked slowly, then crouched down on one knee, studding the man before him. He sighed scratching his head and looking around, feeling fairly guilty for giving the Cajun a hard time when he was already in a major mind fuck. He could only imagine the fit that Rouge or Storm or even Jennie would have thrown if they had witnessed his crude bedside manner, let alone Hank. He let out a sigh, then looked at Gambit again, this time with the eyes of a man who was witnessing the immense mental turmoil and suffering of another. Even the tough and gruff Wolverine wasn't such a stone cold warrior that he didn't feel sympathy for others.

He let out a low growl as he became even more aware of Remy's pain, his body reeking of sickness, fear and despair. He looked younger then usually, his lanky but muscular form curled in such a tight ball. Logan reached out a steady hand and touched Remy's shoulder. Instantly the younger mutant reacted with fear, swatting the hand away as he scooted farther down the wall, eyes searching everywhere at once.

"Non Monsieur!....... Sit te Plate, Remy be good,……. He do what you ask,………jus' no more, no more, no more." Gambit shook, eyes wide and skin pale as his gaze was fixed some where above Logan's head. The Canadian frown, snapping his fingers in front of his face.

"Hey,,,,,,,,, Gumbo snap out of it!........... Common kid!............ Remy?" The last word he said softer, feeling an icy stab in his chest at the hurt and lost look in his team mate's eyes. Remy's bandaged covered hands where soaked through with blood, his body shaking and heart hammering. Finally, Logan was able to touch Remy, offering many clam reassurances as he slowly made his move. Gambit's frantic gaze drifted to Logan's, his eyes half open, breathing hard. He shook his head wearily mouthing the words 'no more' and shivering violently. "It's okay,……your okay Remy……… I promise ya, ………the pain will stop." He was scooting closer to the delusional man, knowing instinctually that Remy responded to touch, the kid was a junkie for it. Logan suspected that was part of the reason he was such a slut, desperately craving physical companionship, probably on account of his screwed up childhood. Sometimes Logan was thankful he couldn't remember his past, especially when witnessing first hand the pain one's memories could cause.

He sat down next to Remy, leaning against the wall, with the younger mutant, half wrapped in his arms, still shivering, his breaths labored but even, silent tears pooling in his hell fire eyes, then sliding down his cheeks. Although he couldn't see his face, Logan could smell the salt from his tears and without conscious thought he found him self rubbing soothing circles in Gambit's back with one hand while he stroked his silky auburn hair with the other.

"Dessol,……….Dessol. Just make it stop……. Please Monsieur, jus' make it stop!" His voice was horse, throat dry. Wolverine looked down at Remy with one eyebrow raised. The first thing that crossed his mind was how ridiculous he felt cradling another man, in particular, the always cool and collected Cajun. The next thought was how hot the sick man's temperature was fallowed directly by the awareness that blood was dripping from Remy's hands onto his favorite pair of jeans. Wolverine shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"Cajun,…… Hey, Remy……..I'm gonna call Nightcrawler to bring some more bandages for your hands and a pain killer or a sedative or something that will keep you from freakin out." Logan mumbled the last part, grabbing his com badge.

"No more Drugs!" Remy mumbled himself, face obscured in his arms.

"Yhea,… fine." He snorted before turning on the badge.

"Hey elf?....... you there?...............Common Kurt I need yer help with the Cajun." He sighed into the badge. He only had to wait a moment before the silent static was broken by a jovial German voice.

"Of course Mein Fruad!....... what do you require?" The reply was as predicted helpful and earnest, what Logan liked most about the teleporter.

"Could use some fresh bandages and a few tabs of aspirin,…… or somethin' stronger if Hank thinks it's okay." Wolverine spoke over the loud moan from Gambit as he again insisted on no drugs.

"I will be there in a moment." Nightcrawler responded instantly as Gambit was raked by another wave of pain rushing through him, causing his body to shake intensely.

"Breath kid,……ya gotta hang in there." Logan felt like he was running out of things to say so instead just held the sick man as comforting as he knew how while Gambit let out struggled breaths, memories ripping him apart.

Moments later, a Blue, fury, ex-circus performer bamfed into the room in a cloud of sulfur, causing Gambit to let out a startled cry, scrambling away from his team mates and out the open door, adrenaline over riding his exhaustion.

"Awww, Damnit Elf!.......... I had just got him settled down!" Logan grumbled, jumping to his feet and chasing after the renegade X-Man, Nightcrawler on his tail. Gambit didn't get far before he came to a stop, choking on a nauseating and very real hallucination. There before his eyes at the bottom of the stairs was Genevieve's broken and battered body laying in a pool of her own blood. His eyes where wide in shock, mouth open as the breath refused to enter his lungs.

Wolverine stopped short, holding up a hand to stop Nightcrawler's advance as they watched Gambit back away from the stairs, a look of complete horror on his face. He laced his fingers in his hair, closing his eyes and gritting his teeth as he shook his head violently back and forth.

"Gambit, Min Fruad!.......... what has startled you so?" Kurt asked as the two X-Men approached him carefully. At the sound of his voice, Gambit jumped back again, eyes wild and looking in the air, expression unreadable and hands still on his head.

"Gumbo,…….it's okay,…..just Kurt, a friend." Wolverine edged closer, taking slow deliberate steps, Nightcrawler right behind him. When they were only a few feet away from him they stopped, waiting for him to make eye contact. His breathing was ragged, his body slumped, leaning against the hall way wall. His fingers loosened their grip on his shaggy Auburn locks, and his hands dropped to his side as his face lifted, bringing Gambit's hell fire eyes up to meet them. He looked exhausted, and completely dazed but some how more focused, his eyes seemed to communicate a more sensible state of mind. He was panting as if he had just run a mile, hunched over and swaying slightly. His lean muscular build, glistening from sweat, shook from the effort of standing.

"Logan?" He whispered, eyes locked with his team mate, half pleading half demanding, desperate and intense. The two other X-Men glanced at one another, slightly unnerved by the dramatic change in Remy's behavior. "Logan,……….kill me!………Please mon amie…….If you have ever given a damn bout dis Cajun, den do it now,………hurry!" His breathing was increasing, and he grimaced slightly, looking at the dead body of Geneiveve out of the corner of his eyes. He crossed himself as he muttered a prayer. _She ain't real Remy!....... Just in your head! _ Closing his eyes he brought his right hand to his head and tried to imagine her gone but knowing she never would be, just one more death on his hands.

"Easy there Gumbo…..Just calm down…….I know it hurts, but it will be over soon." Once more Wolverine felt like a broken record, but had nothing else to say.

"Yes mine Fruad, your suffering will soon come to an end, you need only hold on a little longer." Remy pushed away from the wall, shaking his head as he staggered, his head pounding, eyes blurred as voices from the past threatened to tear him apart. He could hear Sabertooth's sadistic laughter as he let go of the ropes holding Geneiveve and Henrie his older brother high above the stone laden ground. He could only save one.

"Non,…………de voices won' stop, dey never stop!" He stumbled, both hands on his head. He looked up at them both pleadingly. "Sil' te plait, Mon amies!……for' it too late!" He knees gave out and he landed with a thud, moaning in French that he had no choice.

"What do you mean too late,……too late for what?" Wolverine crouched down in front of Gambit placing his hands over Remy's own that gripped his hair tight, blood dripping down his fore arms and off his elbow.

"I'm loesin' it Logan,……..I know I am!……..I can' come back from dis homme." He swallowed the dry lump in his throat, feeling the dizzying sickness surging threw him. "Deres some bad shit in here mon amie!……It gonna take me over,…..I won' be able tah stop it…….Please, Logan, Please!" He leaned forward, resting his forehead on his team mate's chest.

"Remy just hold on,……ya gotta keep yer cool. Common Cajun ,……….yer a God damn X-Men fer cryin out loud!……. We've been threw worse then this!" Wolverine tried to convince the downtrodden man, but Gambit just shook his head, still pressed against Logan, his body shaking again as the familiar numbing pain was once more spreading threw his body, limiting his motor function.

"Non,……..non, non, non, non, non, NON, NON, NON!" Gambit began rocking hard, before he went limp against Wolverine, losing control of his body. "Mon Deiu, oh mon deiu!" He sputtered, his voice chocking, his speech gone again.

"Gambit!?" Wolverine held the mutant thief in his arms, using one hand on his jaw to direst his glazed vision toward his own. Red and black eyes begged him for relief from his living hell. Logan's blue eyes met his, but faltered again, unable to deliver the type of relief Gambit had just begged him for.

"What has happened?" Nightcrawler crouched next to them, looking in puzzlement at Remy's paralyzed form.

"He was like this a few minutes ago………. Don't think he can move or talk……. Guess now's the time to bandage him up and get those pills down his throat." Wolverine, lifted his teammate, one arm under his back, the other under his knees. They walked back to Gambit's room and this time Logan lay the man in his bed far gentler then before. Not just because he was now with another teammate but also because he realized that any beef he had with the Cajun was completely unimportant compared to the shit storm of self persecution that was eating away at the young thief.

"I shall get him a cup of water." Night crawler turned into the private bathroom, searching for a cup. Logan sat down on the bed next to Remy and used one calloused hand to brush the damp bangs out of his glossy, demon eyes, his gaze darting frantically around the ceiling, mouth open.

"Grab a wash cloth too, his hands are a freakin' mess." He grumbled lifting one blood soaked bandaged hand. As gently as he could, Logan unwrapped the gauz, examining the badly blistered palm, with slight surprised. He looked up and caught Remy watching him with an anxious look. In response, Wolverine offered a half smile as reassurance.

"Oh,……. That looks incredibly painful mine fruid!" Kurt whispered quietly, handing the wet cloth to Logan along with some antibiotic ointment.

"Yup,…….. Cajun really did a number tryin' to keep from blowing the whole grounds sky high…….. You wanna try to get him to swallow those pills?" He asked, gently wiping the blood away, then applying the ointment. They both looked up as Gambit let out a small whimper that didn't leave his throat, eyes darting from his hands to the faces of his team mates.

"Do not fret Remy,……. We will help you heal,….. and keep you safe until you are well……… You have nothing to fear." The one time priest, settled on the other side of Gambit, and used his three fingered hand to lift the other's head as he placed two extra strength painkillers in his parched mouth. Internally Gambit cursed them, but also thanked them. They where at the moment his angels of mercy, but Remy knew better then to trust them, to rely on their kindness or take it at face value. He didn't want to swallow the pills, he had made it clear that the last thing he wanted was to be further out of his natural mind. But on the other hand he was in a pretty intense amount of pain, the only unpleasant distractions where the bouts of hallucinations and paranoia.

Nightcrawler brought the cup of water up to his teammates mouth and to both he and Wolverine's surprise, Remy didn't fight it, partially motivated by his extreme thirst. He greedily swallowed the welcomed water but in too much of a hast, coughing and sputtering the overflow.

"Slowly Mine Frude,…..do not rush." Nightcrawler spoke with true compassion, his manner further shaming Wolverine, who was beginning to reflect more and more about his interactions with his Cajun teammate, deciding it was possible that he had been a bit harsh on the younger man. He finished the bandage and caught Kurt's eye to suggest they switch places so he could fix the other hand. As they stood, Gambit grimaced, the feeling returning to his body but with more intense flashes of pain, almost itching. He groaned as his body contorted, shivering in pain, eyes squeezed tight as he let out another gasp.

"It's alright Remy……..Breath Kid." Wolverine sat back down on the other side, carefully lifting his hand and placing it in his lap. Kurt did the same on the other side after retrieving another wet cloth to wipe Remy's face. The distressed X-Man's body was tense with the flood of pain, shaking with occasional spasms. He couldn't think or process anything, white shards of agony piercing his vision. The fit lasted for almost ten minutes before his body finally started to relax, his breathing heavy but no longer gasping. Finally he opened his exhausted eyes, fresh with unshed tears, sweat dripping down his face. He looked at Nightcrawler with a mixture of relief and resignation, glade to be back but sure the pain would surge again. Kurt returned his stare with sympathetic eyes and a smile.

"Water,……… please." His voice barely above a whisper. Kurt looked to Logan who had just finished bandaging his other hand and grabbed the cup to give Nightcrawler.

"As before Mine Frude, you must drink it slow,…. Or you will choke." He held the cup to his lips, lifting his head. When it was empty Remy lay his head back down with an exhausted sigh.

"Merci,……… Mes Amies." He rolled his head limply back to face Logan, his demon eyes searching the other man's icy blue. "Why,…… Why you helping me Wolverine?............ Didn't t'ink you liked ol' Gambit much?" He offered a slight chuckled but regretted it instantly as his head pounded and his chest felt tight, coughing. Wolverine sighed, not really sure what he wanted to say or what the Cajun wanted to hear.

"Look Gumbo,….. you may be a pain in the ass and a cocky son of a bitch,…….. but,……. It ain't like I want to see you sufferin'……… I mean, Christ Remy,……. I should have been the one to take that shot for Jubelee,…… could have saved ya from all this………shit." He sighed again, looking everywhere but at the two other men in the room, feeling decidedly uncomfortable with the subject at hand.

"Well,…….. at least Gambit got to prove dat he had de petite's back, ehe?" Remy laughed again, resulting in more coughing, making Logan feel all the more guilty.

"I didn't mean what I said Cajun,…….. I was just worried about the brat is all,……… and you're known for being a bit…." He paused, not sure how to phrase it.

"Reckless?.............. Only wit my own life mon amie." Remy said softly, looking away from their eyes.

_*What 'bout me Remy?* _The voice of a young boy brought Gambit to full attention as he jerked his head to the corner of the room where a 13 year old Eteinne stood, skin gray and sagging, half eaten by fishes and crabs. He smiled at Remy, with a knowing gleam in his eyes.

"Mon Duie!" Gambit gasped, struggling to sit up, eyes large and breath caught.

"Gambit?............ What is it?" Wolverine asked looking from Remy to the empty space where his gaze was locked.

"Yes,……. What do you see?" Kurt asked as well placing a hand on his shoulder.

_*You forget bout me Cousin?........ You promised you wouldn't……….. Use tah bring me flowers, tell me bout de life of de living and even asked Tantie to help you find out 'bout de life of de dead………. Den you just stopped…….. Why?" _The dead boy walked toward his cousin, eyes dark with a white film over them. He coughed and a crawdad crawled out of his mouth. _*scuse me,……..t'hink I'm full of dem, me!*_ He laughed as Gambit turned away, fighting the urge to vomit. He closed his eyes, jaw locked as he breathed threw his noise.

"Remy?" Kurt asked again, placing his hand on the man's face. Gambit opened his eyes with a look of complete bewilderment and despair. He turned back to face the dead boy who was playing with a knife, balancing it on his finger tip.

_* You gave me dis for my 13__th__ birthday……… Two weeks 'fore my Thitheing,……. You 'member Remy?" _He asked almost casually as he scanned the surroundings.

"So,……..any guesses on how much longer Remy gonna be out of his God damnd mind?" Gambit asked as he lowered his head, fingers gently messaging his temples. The two X-Men exchanged concerned looks.

"Is there something…….. or someone,…….that you see Remy? Nightcrawler asked carefully. Gambit raised his head and looked up at the smiling dead boy.

_*Go on Remy,……. Tell dem 'bout me!.......... Tell dem all 'bout your baby cousin dat you let die……….. De boy you was suppose to be protecting.*_ His little voice became hard with a slightly demonic flare, eyes gleaming beneath the dead glaze.

"Dessol Eteinne………… But Remy was jus' a boy too……… Only 15, me." His voice was ragged and steeped with guilt. He swallowed down the intense nauseas feeling, eyes closed as images of that night flashed before him. He opened his eyes with a harsh breath and looked back up to the decaying figment of his imagination.

"Who's Eteinne?" Wolverine asked, leaning back with his arms crossed, looking from Gambit to the empty space he was talking too.

"Mon Cousin………… He's dead." Gambit spoke without inflexion, his eyes fixed strait ahead.

"How did he die?" Kurt asked, letting his hand rest on the other man's shoulder once again.

_ *Yes Remy,……how did I die?* _The boy's voice was menacing, gurgling as salt water spilled from his lips.

"He…….He drowned……….. But Remy didn't,…………..I lived……… I am sorry Eteinne…… Never forgot you petite,……Jus'……. So many other t'ings have happen since den." He laid back down, still gazing at the empty space in front of the bed.

"So you see him,…….. he is talking to you?" Kurt asked trying not to sound condescending. Remy sighed, eyes unable to escape Eteinne's glare.

"Qui…………. He's mad at Remy for letting em' die………. Can't say I blame em' none." Remy let his gaze travel upwards until he was staring at the ceiling, eyes growing heavy as the voices of the dead encouraged him to sleep so that they could continue to torment him in his dreams.

"Looks like he's out for the count." Logan muttered as Remy's eyes fluttered closed, his ragged breathing, heavy but even. Wolverine stood up and grabbed a blanket from the end of the bed and placed it over his sleeping teammate, receiving a whispered 'mercy'. "Yer welcome Cajun." He answered as he stretched and gestured with his head toward the door. Kurt nodded and the two men made their exit, leaving the door cracked.

"Wonder how long till his sweet dreams become nightmares." Logan mumbled as he looked back at the door.

"He seems a great deal more at ease with his condition then earlier. Perhaps when he awakes he will have traveled even further from his madness." Nightcrawler mused as the two walked made their way toward the war room to check in with the others.


	6. Chapter 6

CH. 6

"Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend. 

I'll help you carry on."

The blackbird landed in the hanger around 8pm, ushering a handful of tired and hungry X-Men into the Mansion. Jean was first off, greeted by a comforting smile from her husband who stood waiting with Charles and Wolverine. She smiled back and gave him a kiss, before turning to Xavier.

"I take it the mission was a success?" Charles's asked already having some sense of what took place.

"I believe so……… however we will need to check in from time to time, just to make sure." She sighed and turned to see Storm, Rouge and Iceman walk out of the plane.

"Welcome back Ororo. Do you share Jean's optimism regarding the ability of the facility to house and protect young mutants?" Xavier asked, well aware of the tension between the two women. At his question, Rouge and Iceman both exchanged telling looks that was noticed especially by Wolverine. Storm walked calmly toward her teammates, glancing at Jean who instantly looked uncomfortable.

"No…….. Charles, I do not." Her tone was matter of fact, direct to the point. Cyclops looked genuinely surprised as his gaze snapped from his Co-leader to his wife then back again. Wolverine gave an amused snort and Charles let out a sigh.

"I see,……. Well I advise those of you who have just returned to take the evening and a nights rest to reflect on your experience and we will have the mission debriefing and a team meeting first thing in the morning at 08:00 hrs." Xavier concluded before turning his attention to Rouge, who's anxious and fidgeting behavior was an obvious sign of her concern for Gambit. Before he could make any comment however Wolverine spoke up, clearly able to read the southern bell's body language as well.

"Gumbo's up in his room catching some sleep. Still kinda wacko but at least he knows it now." Rouge smiled mildly but Storm turned toward her Canadian team mate with an appraising look, half pleasantly surprised and half skeptical. He answered her cocked eyebrow with another snort and rolled eyes as he turned to leave, Rouge on his heels egger to here the details of Remy's past few hours. With a polite nod of her head Storm excused herself and Robert shrugged making a b-line for the kitchen wondering out loud if there was anything left to eat.

A few minutes later, Wolverine and Rouge where heading up the stairs, Logan trying to explain why he hadn't been at Gambit's side the whole time.

"Look!" He half growled, turning to face the fussy woman. "Me and the Elf bandaged him up, put him to bed and I even checked on him……. Cajun might be sick but he ain't a kid Rouge!" He grumbled heading toward the room. They opened the door and Logan let out a sigh shaking his head. The bed was empty and the window wide open.

"When did ya say yah checked on him Shuga?" Rouge asked with a sassy but irritated tone, before pushing past him and flying out the window in a huff. Logan growled, fists clenched as he muttered ' Stupid Cajun' under his breath before heading towards the back door. Time to go hunting.

Storm was in her green house watering the plants, hair up in a high pony tail, wearing a long, elegant African robe down to her ankles. Some of her babies where looking a little worse for ware as she had been a neglectful mother as of late, so busy with her responsibilities as Co-Leader of the X-Men. Her mind was pulled in countless directions and she sighed putting down her watering can and rubbed her temples. She had been at best, detached during the mission, absorbed with thoughts concerning Remy, and his place with the X-Men as well as his current condition. While Jean and the others had actively tried to create a repoir with the councilors at the Mutant Youth Center, she had remained aloof, distant and for some unfounded reason, highly suspicious. Yet Jean had preformed a gentle mind probe on all of the working staff to determine their intentions. Usually that was enough for Storm but, there was something in her gut that didn't feel right. Now however, with time to reflect, she couldn't be sure whether the rotten feeling had been her instincts or her worry for her thief brother. Some leader she was. Ororo scolded her self for letting her emotions get the better of her, clouding her judgment.

Above her head on the glass roof of the green house sat a lone figure, who shivered in the cool night air, cursing himself for not putting on a shirt or better yet a jacket but at least he was wearing pants. Gambit stared down at the white haired goddess, needing her strength and comfort so badly it physically hurt. Mon Duie but he felt like a pathetic, weak child. With a sigh he rolled over onto his back and looked up at the stars as he garbed a smoke from his pocket and lit it up, feeling the soothing calm of the Nicotine cores through him. He had barely slept as every time he closed his eyes he saw nothing but death and pain. Trouble was even with his eyes open he couldn't get away from the gruesome images, the nauseating anxiety, the immense swells of anger, or the gut wrenching guilt. Constantly he felt at odds, his emotions, his mental state and his over all well being was a harsh roller coaster and he desperately wanted off.

Gambit took another drag, blowing smoke rings into the night air. He squinted up at the sparkling stars and was suddenly no longer Gambit, an adult X-men, but instead a young boy of barley 11, sitting up on a mansion roof in the Bayou, marveling at the bright stars. He could hardly see the stars in New Orleans because of all the lights but out here in the swamp land he could, and at that moment they scared him. Usually he found their twinkle beautiful and comforting. The knowledge that he was just a tiny fragment of the universe made the pressure of life seem somehow less consequential. Tonight however was different, because on this night, the one year anniversary of his adoption, Jean-Luke had informed him that his birth had been foretold in the ancient scrolls and legends of the Guilds. He was to unite the warring Thieves and Assassins, bringing about the resurrection of the old kingdom. _*And dat Remy,…… is why you gotta be de best……… Now again, try pickin' de lock wt yer eyes closed. Member mon fills, if you can do it in under 10 seconds den you can have some cake, ehe!? * _

His father's words echoed in his head as the young boy shivered in the damp night air. He had spent the first 10 years of his life being told he was nothing better then gutter trash, a demon eyed freak who even most perverts where reluctant to touch. He was nothing, insignificant and unimportant, that was until Jean-Luke took him in, turning his whole world upside down. To think, all his life he dreamed about having a family, people who cared about him. Now, Shit….. he had to worry about keeping them, about not letting them down or screwing up. The pressure was intense and he felt the heavy burden weighing him down. His chest felt tight, the stars closter phobic, each asking him if he could do it. Lips trembling and fists clenched, he wanted to run, to climb down and just start running as fast as he could and as far away as possible. But he couldn't even move, the weight was so much, heart jack hammering as the stars pined him down with their accusations. He let out a quivering breath and closed his eyes, trying to focus on something calming. A poem popped in his head, one he had heard a man reading aloud at a bar in New Orleans.

'Oh Remy Shuga!......... Yer gonna freeze up here!" Rouge had just taken to the air above the mansion when she noticed a body laying on the glass roof of Ororo's loft. She landed gently and approached him slowly, unsure of what he was going through at that very moment. Crouching down she knelt next to him and frown in concern. His eyes where distant, aimed at the sky but a million miles away, a cigarette dangled from his lips, the ash collecting on his collar bone. She brushed the ash from him then stroked the hair from his face but stopped when she heard him begin to whisper.

"If you can envision de souls of yesterday…….living in de music………dat rises from de cracks in de sidewalks…………Naw' lins is your dream……" Remy whispered in a soft voice, far off and distant, his eyes, glossed over. His brow was furled as if he was concentrating or in pain, his body shaking as he breathed in the nicotine with out conscious thought.

"Ya found em." Wolverine appeared on the other side of the roof, a genoshain collar in his hand. "Looks like he picked it then chucked it out the window…….. What's he saying?" Logan came upon them in the careful slow way one approaches a scared dog.

"It's a poem about New Orleans.….. I don't even think he knows were here,…… or that he is here." Rouge sighed, stroking Remy's hair.

"Wit a heart as soft as de Spanish moss………Dripping from centuries old oak trees." His voice was barley audible as if he was telling a great secret.

"Yup,…..looks like he's off the deep end again." Wolverine took a seat and found his cigar and a gold lighter with a maple leaf engraved on the front. It had been a gift from Ro' a few years back and it always made him smile. He looked down through the glass at the weather goddess below who was trimming a beautiful rose bush that Gambit had found somewhere exotic and had shipped. He knocked on the pane of glass he was sitting on and waved down to Storm as she looked up with surprise. He pointed to the shirtless Cajun, and made a gesture of rubbing his arms to show he was cold. She nodded and went to grab a blanket before flying out her window and up to her team mates.

"She's a pretty face wit' dirty feet………The good witch of lake Ponchartrain." Remy tilted his head back arching his neck to watch as Storm landed. "De spice god of shrimp and crawfish,……..Keeping de spirits fed." He was back on the X- Mansion roof and during his mental hibatus apparently a few of his team mates had decided to drop by. He sat up slowly with a groan, every muscle stiff as he shivered in the wind.

"Well look who came back to reality." Logan smirked as Storm walked past him before draping the blanket on Remy's shoulders and taking a seat on his other side.

"Hey hot stuff………… Where did you go?" Rouge asked in a honeydew voice as Storm rubbed his back Rhythmically. Gambit's eyes moved slowly with effort like the rest of his motions as he looked from Storm to his sassy Southern girl, offering a curtsey smile.

"Was back in de Bayou,……….. Star gazein." He smirked as he swallowed down the lingering feel of overwhelming pressure.

"You know, laying out here in the cold will not help you recover any faster Remy." Storm chided gently as he wrapped the blanket tighter around himself. He nodded his agreement with a weary sigh.

"Needed fresh air,…… forgot to grab m'jacket." He mumbled as shaking fingers placed another cigarette into his mouth and sparked it with his finger.

"Is that why you picked the collar." Logan asked as they warily watched the mild display of power, remembering the truly frightening magnitude of the explosion earlier that day.

"Never gotta carry a lighter, me." He smirked again, then looked at them seriously, reading the edginess in their eyes. "M'sorry for earlier……… Gambit usually got betta control, non?" He snorted and shook his head as he took a drag and looked down at his bandaged hands.

"Has it happened before Remy?" Rouge asked with a voice brimming with sympathy. He glanced up at her then shrugged, deciding he wasn't gonna go there, unable to tell the truth and too fucked up to remember his lies.

"What happened Cajun?............ What'd you blow up?" Wolverine prodded, wondering if in his delirium the Cajun would let some of his tightly guarded secrets slip out. Remy cocked his head to the side, eyes locked with Logan in a stare that suggested he knew exactly what Logan was up to. Offering a cagey smirk and a slight wink he took a drag then shrugged again, before turning his attention back to his ladies. He leaned against Storm, resting his head on her shoulder as she wrapped a comforting arm around him, Rouge taking his bandaged hands and holding them carefully. Wolverine rolled his eyes but didn't insist, deciding it would all come out eventually.

"How are you feeling Remy?" Storm asked as she held him close, rocking slightly.

"Been betta,…….how you doing Stormy?" He answered letting his eyes drift closed.

"I have been worried about you my friend….. we all have." She looked at Rouge who's eyes held a degree of jealousy and sadness, whishing she could be so close to her Cajun prince. She looked away in embarrassment but felt Storm's other hand reach out to her knee, offering a sympathetic squeeze.

"Non need to worry Chere, de Wolverine been on Babysittin' duty." He caught the other man's eye who shook his head and grunted. Remy smirked again and let his eyes close as he focused on the steady beat of his Stormy's heart, attempting to match it.

"Logan said you where talkin' to your dead cousin." Rouge stated as a way of asking him to tell her about it. Gambit's eyes opened again, but with more effort then before. He sighed and again fixed Wolverine with a side long glance communicating his dis-pleasure to which the Canadian just snorted and shrugged mimicking Gambit's earlier gesture.

"Yup…….. Seein' dead people. Got some bad Ju Ju goin' down." He mumbled his answer hoping the subject would be dropped as he cuddled into Storm, a shiver running through him.

"How did he die?" Rouge asked as causally as she could, trying in vain to mask her curiosity. He sighed again, opening just one eye and fixing it on her. She bit her lip and she fidgeted with her gloved hands, nervous that he might get mad or freak out or who knows what.

"He drowned." Remy grunted his answer then shut his eye that stung from the wind.

"How?" This time it was Storm's gentle but inquisitive voice asking for more. Keeping his eyes shut, he gritted his teeth in annoyance, but attempted to control his anger.

"Don' wanna talk 'bout it." He answered with a stern tone, making it clear that the subject was to be dropped. _*Mais, why not Remy?* _ An innocent voice tainted by death asked sweetly. Gambit's eyes opened a fraction as he once more gazed upon the lifeless form of Eteinne. The boy was standing behind Rouge, arms crossed and eyebrow raised. "Merd!" Gambit whispered as he buried his face in Storm's side.

"What's wrong Remy?" Rouge asked, rubbing his back as she faced he and Storm, Logan to their left.

"He's back." Gambit muttered as he shook again from fatigue, his head beginning to throb.

"Who?....... Your Cousin?" Wolverine asked as he stubbed out his cigar and pocketed the butt. Gambit moaned in response and the others all exchanged looks. "Well, lets get him back inside and warmed up……….. Beast said he wanted to check on him again and maybe give him a sedative to knock him out." Wolverine was already on his feet and Rouge nodded in agreement.

"Common Remy,……… I've got ya." Rouge whispered as she lifted him up into her arms. He didn't struggle, his exhaustion stronger then his pride and his head so heavy he thought it might fall off.

"Ro?" Storm looked up at Wolverine's offered hand and took it with a slight smile, her blue eyes calm despite the tidal wave of emotion trapped beneath.

"Y'all coming?" Rouge asked cradling Remy who was barley conscious. Storm nodded as she hovered in the air, taking Logan's arms and lifting him. Together the women flew back into the mansion.

Beast looked up from his print outs with a smile that faded quickly as his eyes fell upon the limp form of Gambit. He sighed and pointed to the open bed in the med lab as he put away his research. Rouge smiled meekly and walked over toward the bed, Storm and Wolverine remained near the door way, not wanting to get in the way.

"Logan,…… I thought you would be out enjoying your freedom now that our team mates of a fairer sex and a more……… nurturing mentality have returned." Beast smirked with amusement. Wolverine just shrugged, crossing his arms.

"Just making sure Gumbo doesn't go nuclear again…….. Until his mind is back to his normal level of insanity,……ain't no telling what he's capable of." He delivered his sentiment with conviction but no one was buying.

"Oh non-sense Logan……… I think it's sweet you have become so concerned for Gambit's welfare." They turned to see Jean and Scott enter, a sassy smile gracing the telepath's lips. In response Wolverine just grumbled and walked further into the room.

"How's he doing Beast?" Cyclops asked, hiding his own smile.

"Well,…..lets see shall we." Beast grinned, showing more optimism then he felt. He walked over to the side of the bed and looked down at his Cajun Teammate who was laid carefully on the bed, still wrapped in a blanket. Rouge stood nearby, biting her lip. She glanced up as Storm and the others joined her, the weather Goddess resting a comforting hand on her shoulder. Beast leaned down listening to the man's heart and was surprised when he felt a weak tug on the arm of his lab coat. Demon eyes, glossy and half opened fixed him with a blank stare, his bandaged hand dropping back onto the bed. "Hello Remy,…….. how are you feeling?" He asked, slightly startled, having thought the man was unconscious.

"Like I been poisoned,………..and run over by a truck." Gambit rasped, a deep sense of foreboding taking over as his muscles felt completely useless.

"Hummmm." Beast sighed as he attached an IV to the Man's arm and stuck a thermometer in his mouth. " I can give you another pain killer if you like." Hank offered as he lifted Remy's eyes to check on their dilation.

"Non Si-vous Plate……… I need to feel……ungghhhh,……Can't feel no'ting!" Gambit's voice was low and breathless, unable to mask his growing panic. Those in the room exchanged uneasy looks then kept their attention fixed on the doctor and his patient.

"Explain Remy………..Can you feel this?" Hank asked in a very serious tone, gently squeezing his team mate's fore arm and massaging the tense muscles of his bicep. Remy let out a quivered breath, squeezing his eyes shut to prevent the tears from spilling. This was perhaps worse then anything before, feeling completely paralyzed, as if his nerves had died from frost bite. Yet despite the suffocating numbness he could feel his blood pumping and it was like liquid fire, burning in his chest.

"My hearts on fire!" He gasped, jaw locked and teeth bared. "Mon Duie!" He cried out, unable to stop the tears from trickling out of the corner of his eyes. The buzzing was back, ringing inside his head so loud he thought his eardrums might burst. He could taste his own blood, gurgling in the back of his throat.

"Gambit!......... Remy?!" Beast exclaimed in alarm as his teammate's body writhed in pain, blood escaping through his clenched teeth and out his noise. Rouge clasped her hands over her mouth, emerald eyes wet with tears. Wolverine growled, but put aside his own alarmed rage to comfort Storm, wrapping an arm around her as she stared in shock at her friend's torment. Like wise Jean was wrapped in Scott's arms as they watched Remy's body contort, despite cries of pain echoing loudly in the med lab.

Before Jean could think to summon the Professor he was there in his hover chair, pushing the others aside as he raced to his tormented X-Man. He placed a hand on the young man's head and focused with all his might on helping Remy suppress the immense pain and if possible reverse the effects of the toxic drug. He ignored the frantic chaos of Remy's consciousness and bore deeper into the physiological components of the man's brain. It was a tactic Xavier had only attempted a few times with little success but there was little else he could do. Working much the way a neurological chemical would, he sought out the areas of the brain that controlled Remy's nervous system and went to work repairing the connections and suppressing the aggressive deterioration caused by the Poisson. It took his total concentration but Xavier managed to identify and target the poison's chemical signature and used his telepathy to counter the effects, lending much depleted strength to the natural anti-bodies within Remy's body, encouraging greater attack on the poison.

Jean could sense what Charles was doing and quickly hastened to the other side of the bed, placing her hand over his on Remy's for head. She focused her energy on aiding Charles and at the same time fought to keep the extreme pain and disorientation of Remy's mind from overwhelming her. Gambit was shaking and sweating as where the telepaths while Beast franticly ran from one machine to another, monitoring the effects on Remy's physical form.

"What's happening?" Rouge cried, her eyes wide as she bore witness to what looked for all intents and purposes like an exorcism.

"Amazing!" Hank exclaimed, furry hands running through his hair. "Charles is isolating the poison and manipulating Remy's immune system to neutralize the effects." He turned back to watch his mentor at work, the older man, gritting his teeth as if suffering from Remy's pain. In truth, all those in the room felt a degree of nauseous anxiety and anguish as Remy's empathy slipped through his weakened shields. For Wolverine's hyper senses it was almost too much and he had to lean against the wall for support.

At last, Charles let out an exhausted breath, opening his eyes and falling back into his chair. Jean, staggered away and collapsed into Scott's arms panting from the strain as Gambit's body relaxed, breathing hard, eyes barley opened.

"Jean!....... are you alright?!" Cyclops asked with urgency.

"Yes,…..Scott….. And soon Gambit will be as well." She smiled warily, her whole body trembling with exhaustion..

"Professor!........... How on earth…..?" Beast could hardly suppress his excitement. Xavier looked up at the doctor then over to his recovering X-man who Rouge was attending, wiping his brow as Storm held a cup of water to his mouth.

"I could not have been successful if it were not for Remy's own physiological strength…….. You are right Beast,….. it is as if his very DNA was created to interact with energy of all types, both of physical nature and even on the astral plane……… I admit I am surprised and intrigued by Remy's abilities." Charles mused, suspecting that Gambit's seemingly complex being was more then just a natural phenomena, and that Sinister most likely played some part in his engineering.

"Has the toxin been subdued?" Storm asked with out taking her eyes from Remy, who was drifting off to sleep, his breath shallow but steady. Charles sighed as he moved closer to the bed, watching the man embrace much needed rest.

"I believe it has Ororo……. But we can't be sure until he awakens….. I doubt he will be up doing back flips anytime soon as his immune system needs time to repair and a degree of delirium might remain but should dissipate in time." Charles turned to Beast, expression asking for a second opinion. The blue doctor looked over at the screen of a machine monitoring Remy's brain waves then to a brain scan.

"It appears by the read outs that no permanent brain damage has occurred, but his brain chemistry is still abnormal…….. I agree he should recover in time." Beast surmised, finally able to let out a breath of relief that had been caught in his chest since the moment Remy had collapsed in the elevator more then 24 hrs ago.

"So the Cajun's gonna be alright……..Good. I'd miss wiping that smug smile off his face in the danger room." Logan smirked cracking his knuckles before he walked out the door to find a cold beer and another cigar. He would never admit it but he was relived that Remy would recover, his guilt finally subsiding as he reluctantly realized that perhaps he did sorta, kinda like having the arrogant Cajun around.


	7. Chapter 7

CH.7

"Should I stay or should I go now? If I stay there will be trouble, but if I go it may be double!"

The X-Men where gathered around in the War Room, some sitting some standing and most yawning as they sipped their early morning coffee. The mood was subdued as they waited for one last teammate before they began. Just as Cyclops was about to call down to the Med lab, Beast bounded into the room with an exuberance they had not seen in months.

"My most sincere apologies for my tardy behavior preventing the proceedings of this most important meeting! Do excuse me my friends!" He smiled cheerfully, squeezing Iceman's shoulders playfully before taking a seat. Charles nodded in acknowledgement.

"How is Gambit doing Hank?" Cyclops asked to the surprise of his teammates who where accustomed to their orderly leader insisting that War Room meetings be structured and specific to the agenda at hand. Hank raised his eyebrows with an amused and appraising smile.

"I am glade you asked oh Fearless Leader. Gambit is still asleep with the assistance of sedatives as his constantly active mind wakes him regularly. His temperature has dropped down to an even 100 and his hands are healing rapidly thanks to the Shiar cellular regenerator I have placed them in on rotations……… I am fully confidant that our Rajun Cajun should be back to his old Zydeco stomping self within the week." Beast smiled as he cleaned his glasses before placing them back on his noise. Storm and Jean both sighed in relief and Rouge just smiled to her self. The others shared similar expressions, Nightcrawler crossing himself in a mumbled prayer and Jubilee wiped tears from her face, Wolverine ruffling her hair.

"Told ya the Cajun would pull through…….. Son of a bitch gets his kicks otta cheating death!" He grunted a laugh.

"Wolverine!........Language." Jean chided as she gestured toward Jubilee.

"What?........ Like I have never heard a curse word before?" The teen huffed, receiving small chuckles from those gathered.

"Alright people, that's enough!" Cyclops sighed, knowing better then to deviate from the purpose of the meeting. "Yesterday Storm led a team composed of Rouge, Phoenix and Iceman to the Mutant Youth Center in Burlington Vermont. What is the situation at the facility and do we need to intervene or assist in anyway?" He asked looking at Storm. All eyes where on the white hair goddess who found herself unable to answer. She looked down for a moment, gathering her thoughts then looked back up.

"I can not answer that question Cyclops, I was………. distracted during the mission and so am unable to give an accurate account of what took place." It was not easy for Storm to admit her short comings, especially in regards to her role as a leader. She did not try to hid her disappointment in herself and received a mental hug from Jean and a physical pat on the back from Rouge.

"Thank you Ororo for your honesty. Being a good leader is not always being right. Sometimes we must recognize are faults and acknowledge other's aptitudes." Charles nodded then turned to Jean who smiled in relief, glade she did not have to defend her position. The meeting progressed as it usually did with an account of what happened, the X-Men's role and what future involvement if any they should be prepared for. Few questions fallowed and suggestions where made before the meeting ended after little over an hour.

Once dismissed, the X-Men went off to pursue their own interests, Storm and Rouge accompanying Jean and the Professor back to the Med lab where Beast would spend several hours until lunch. Upon arrival however, their good nature ended abruptly when they where faced with an empty bed and no sign of Remy. Only slightly surprised, Xavier sent out the message to all his X-men directing them to such the grounds for Gambit. Rouge and Storm both took off immediately leaving Jean, Charles and Beast to sigh in bewilderment.

"He never ceases to amaze me!" Jean sighed in mild irritation.

"I suppose he must have detached the IV feeding him the sedative right after I left, though I would imagine he must still feel the effects. He couldn't have gone far." Beast mused holding up the detached IV needle.

"No, I am sure he hasn't. Why can't he just let himself heal?" Charles sighed shaking his head at the always mysterious Gambit and his foolish behavior.

"Sometimes,……… I swear it's like he has a death wish." Jean mumbled, looking up to Charles. The three where silent for a moment, confirming that each had entertained this thought before. After another moment, they headed to the upper level of the mansion. Stepping from the elevator, they where side swept by Jubilee who was running toward the garage.

"Wolvie said he's in the garage trying to leave!" She shouted in hast as she round the corner.

"Oh dear." Beast sighed as they quickened their pace. Once out in the massive garage they where greeted by a stand off. Wolverine, Cyclops, Bishop and Iceman stood in front of the open garage door, blocking a rather irritated Gambit who sat on his motorcycle, his side bags packed. He was wearing his trench coat, black boots, jeans and a red muscle shirt, his shoulder length hair lose, hiding his face. His hands where re-bandaged sloppily indicating that he had done it himself. He was leaning forward on the bike, elbows resting on the handle bars and a cigarette in his lips, head down.

"Don't even think about it bub!........... Your still sick Cajun, ya ain't in any shape for a road trip. Now get back in bed!" Wolverine barked, his patients wearing thin. Rouge and Storm landed outside the garage and walked through the barricade of teammates toward the target of their attention.

"Remy Sugar, where in tarnation do you think your going?!" Rouge asked with her hand on her hip stopping a few feet away. Everyone was silent; the only sound the autumn wind outside and slow, deep smoky breath from Gambit. He raised his head slowly and leaned back, his glazed eyes looked board and mildly annoyed, one eyebrow cocked. He had a dark blue bandanna tied around his neck that he used on the open road to keep the dust out of his mouth, a gold crucifix peaking out from beneath. His eyes lazily drifted across the assembled faces, reading their expressions of worry, uneasiness, frustration and determination. He took a long drag from his cigarette, removing it from his mouth as he blew a smoke ring then rolled his eyes and mumbled a few curses in French. He tilted his head and fixed Cyclops with a questioning glare.

"Mon Captain," His voice echoed loudly in the silence. "Woulda thought you be glade tah get rid of dis ol'boy……….. Ain't caused you no'ting but trouble since de dey I arrived on your door step like an unwanted bastard." Gambit's eyes where on Cyclops but his gaze was distant, as if he was speaking to someone else, a man with a distinguished face and a goatee, grey eyes able to sooth like the ocean or hard like steel, piercing to the very core.

"Gambit, I don't know what you are talking about but clearly you are still suffering from the effects of the poison. Beast told us you are getting better but unless you comply with his orders,……" Cyclops was cut of by loud, abrasive laughter that seemed completely out of place.

"Comply!......Comply?............. Cyke, don't even know de meaning of de word!.............. Now if you 'scuse me, Dis Cajun got some day light to kill." He turned the key in the ignition, revving the engine but when he looked back up it died suddenly, the key switching off with the slightest telekinetic gesture from Jean. Remy looked down in surprise then jerked his head toward Jean, narrow eyes shooting daggers.

"Please my friend,…….. no one is ordering you to do anything." Storm closed the distance between them, and rest a hand on his face. "We are asking you to let us care for you and provided you a self place to recover." His eyes locked with hers and for a moment she thought he might actually listen, his shoulders sagging and his tried eyes relenting. However once Remy made up his mind, even in a delusional state, he was determined. He smiled at his beautiful sister, her eyes begging him to stay. It was hard for him to turn her down, to say no to those exotic blue orbs that held him in their gaze. He sighed and turned away shaking his head and rubbing his weary eyes.

"M'sorry Stormy." He looked back up at her with an apologetic smile. "I can't stay here,….not right now." He whispered, using the back of his fingertips to caress her jaw line.

"Where will you go Remy?" Charles asked from his place by the door, receiving surprised looks from his X-men. Gambit did not look at the Professor, or anyone else for that matter. His eyes where fixed strait ahead outside, the wind blowing the colors of fall across the driveway that lead to anywhere else.

"Everywhere,………..nowhere." His voice carried a dreamy quality, but the dream was not a pleasant one. He looked down at his spent cigarette swallowing hard as he closed his eyes against a mild bout of nausea. He took a few breaths stubbing out the butt on the bottom of his boot then, opening his eyes he flicked it with perfect accuracy at the trash bin 20 feet to his left, eyes remaining strait ahead.

"Everywhere and nowhere…….. Well sorry Sugar, but that just ain't good 'nough." Rouge said with a degree of sympathy, the pity in her eyes making him feel even worse. He looked at her, eyes darting up and down viewing her more as a potential threat then as the woman who had stolen his heart. He smirked at her statement and turned his focus back outside.

"Never is for you, ehe Chere?" His voice was harsh with bitter resentment that he didn't attempt to bite back. "Too tired to care right now,………too tired to even try and care." He admitted placing sunglasses over his blurry eyes.

"Remy,…….As your Physician I must insist that you return to the med lab,….or your own bed at least and rest until your temperature has returned to normal and the poison has completely run it's course." The normally calm and patient Hank McCoy spoke with a stern and slightly threatening tone, inciting the other X-Men to advance a few steps forward. Gambit shook his head and his bandaged fists in pure frustration.

"ENNNNGHHHHHH!..............ENOUGH!............. YOU CAN NOT KEEP GAMBIT HERE!............HE NOT YER PRISONER!" He spat the words with genuine hatred, the oppressive feeling of being held against his will tight in his chest. Everyone stopped in their tracks at the sudden out burst that carried with it a powerful empathetic wave of anger underlined with a dark fear, the likes of which only a few of the X-Men had ever experienced first hand.

"Jezz,……..what the hell was that!" Bobby exclaimed gripping his heart with a gasp. Everyone was breathing hard, eyes wide and mouths open. Wolverine was leaning against his jeep, growling as he shook his head and looked up at Remy who was folded over his bike panting, eyes shut tight. The Canadian X-Man looked over toward Bishop and Cyclops, who where equally blown back by the intensity of the blast. They shared a look, a silent knowledge of why their Cajun teammate was afraid of being locked up, of being a prisoner. They glanced over to Xavier, who with a weary sigh and a subtle nod, confirmed what they had suspected.

"You ain't a prisoner Gumbo,……….yer an X-Man!" Wolverine straitened his posture, walking toward Gambit slowly. "X-Men look out for one another. Watch each other's back and keep each other safe." He stopped next to the slouched man, who watched him with doubtful eyes, beads of sweat decorating his forehead. "Ya ain't gotta run kid." Logan whispered low, pushing the younger man's shades up, steel blue eyes locked with Remy's hellfire gaze, as he rest a hand on the other man's shoulder. For not the first time that day, Logan surprised himself, treating the Cajun like a friend instead of a two-bit piece of Bayou trash. His heart felt for the Kid, knowing that Remy was his own worst enemy. It was for that reason Wolverine had decided to cut the Cajun some slack and give his pain in the ass behavior a little consideration.

"Mercy Logan………. Mais Remy just need some time away, non?........... You understand dat don't-cha Mon amie?" His voice was a mix of calm reassurance and subtle pleading, his eyes darting from the man next to him to the others as if asking Wolverine to convince the X-Men to let him go.

"Remy,…… ya ain't right in the head." Logan sighed with frustration as he rubbed his eyes.

"Never have been,…….. never will be." He snickered. "But ya gotta let Gambit go." Remy swallowed hard, brow furled as he once again faced forward, looking like he couldn't stay still another minute. "Remy gotta be on de open road,……. can't breath,……… head so full of bull shit I can taste it!" Gambit grimaced and again fought the urge to become violently ill. Wolverine watched him with an appraising eye then sighed and turned away tossing up his hands in resignation.

"Gambit,……….What if ya get sick, or have one of em fits and we ain't around to help ya?" Rouge asked still feeling hurt from his earlier comment.

"Big boy, me……Remy can take care of his self Chere." He said softly, offering her a gentle smile as if apologizing for his remark. He turned the key in the ignition and fixed his gaze on Xavier, knowing that only on his say so was he free to go.

*_You will contact us by tomorrow, just to let us know you are safe!* _The projection was a mandate not a question. Charles arched his brow, fingers steepled. Remy nodded his consent understanding that if he didn't he would have a team of mutants tracking him down.

"D'accord." He smirked again turning toward Cyclops and Bishop who still held their ground. " Exscusie et Moi Mon amies." He half smiled and placed his sunglasses back on, then with a flip of the hand, gestured for them to move aside. The team leader and his protégée looked to Charles who reluctantly nodded, instantly receiving protest from Jean and Hank. Be grudgingly the X-Men stepped aside, arms crossed with a skeptical look. Gambit turned to Storm and gave her a winning grin then blew a kiss at Rouge who bit her lip and shook her head with worry, eyes begging him not to go. He looked away revving his engine again then bowed his head and was out the gauge and down the drive. Rouge ran out and took to the air to watch him go, the combination of quiet rage and heart break dragging her back to the ground where she stood with her teammates in silent dismay.

"Hope you know what yer doing Cajun!" Wolverine grunted as he chewed on his cigar, the X-men all around him on the drive way listening as the roar of Remy's Harley died away. The only sound that remained, the atum wind and the crackle of thunder as Storms eyes grew white.

"May the goddess keep you my wondering brother." Ororo whispered then turned away heading back inside, the others soon to fallow.

**FIN**

_Hope you enjoyed the story. I am a sucker for Remy angst and X-Men love._


	8. Chapter 8

**Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans?**

Charaters not mine...bla-bla-bla- you know.

Belladonna's violet eyes blinked open as her right hand reached under her satin pillow for her twin set of ivory handled knives. They had been a wedding present from the man who once might have been her father in law, that is if the wedding hadn't come to a disastrous end. Her motion was subtle and completely unnoticed by the sleeping form that shared her bed. It was unusually warm, the humidity of New Orleans's summer still clinging despite the changing of the seasons. The man was on his back, sleeping peacefully as his breath kept time with the low hum of the ceiling fan. The only other sound was the gentle breeze from outside her French Quarter balcony as the thin, translucent curtains blew lightly. That sound, however soft, was enough to rouse her from sleep, an assassin's ears always alert. She lifted her elegant yet lethal form out of bed and soundlessly crept toward the open balcony doors, wearing only a blade in each hand, her pale, naked flesh hidden in shadow away from the light cast by the full moon and the street lamps outside.

As Belladonna edged closer toward the open doors she saw his silhouette, a slender form with a long brown trench coat billowing behind him as he sat perched on the thin metal railing looking out over the semi peaceful night. He had a cigarette in his mouth and a bottle in his hand that switched places as he casually sipped his liquor. Through the light veil of the curtain, Bell narrowed her eyes scrutinizing the familiar character and wondering what reason he had to be on her balcony in the early hours of the morning, especially since she had not seen his disreputable self in almost five years.

"'ello Belle… Long time ehe Chere?" His voice was low and Smokey, just the way she remembered. For a moment her breath caught in her throat and her heart skipped a beat. Remy smirked at her silence after hearing her sharp intake of breath. He took a long drag, inhaling the nicotine deeply in an attempt to stop his hands from shaking as he continued to look out over _his_ city, the only place he would every really call home. His amusement at her reaction quickly sparked Bell's fiery temper and in the blink of an eye she was behind him, one hand gripping his shaggy auburn main, jerking his head back at an unnatural angel, both blades pressed against his jugular.

"Why you here Remy?" Her voice was a low hiss, menacing and harsh, yet to his ears a welcomed accent on familiar lips, her breath hot on his neck. With out a second thought he relaxed back into her with a smile on his face as if she where embracing him rather then threatening his life.

"Mmmmm,…..Missed you too Chere!" He purred as he reached up behind him to stroke her cheek.

"Ugghhhhh!" Belladonna scoffed as she released her grip and knocked his hand away, removing the blades as she took a few steps back eyeing her ex-lover wearily. Gambit took another swig and then glanced over his shoulder offering a broad grin.

"Oh My!" His mischievous eyes danced as he spun around to face her, feet on the balcony leaning back as he took in the sight before him. "Looking good Belle,…but den, you always do!" He chuckled as the stone cold killer looked down at her naked body, suddenly becoming aware of her lack of modesty. She looked back up at him, eyes fixed with a death glare and cheeks burning red.

With an indignant huff, Belladonna quickly reentered her room and marched over to her bathroom grabbing a purple silk robe, cut short and low offering the slightest of barriers to conceal her womanly figure. Twirling her blades without conscious thought, she came back out onto the balcony and leaned against one of the open doors, her pose similar to his. They stared at one another, the thief and the assassin, each unsure of the others intentions or how they felt after so many years apart. Bell took in his appearance trying to figure out her ever mysterious ex and the motive behind his surprise visit.

His style was typical and she smirked to herself thinking that you can take the scoundrel out of New Orleans but the flavor of the Big Easy will always remain. His coat looked well worn, and maybe a little battle wary with fringes and burn marks, a tear here or there. Black boots, cuffed Jeans like a wannabe James Dean and a red muscle-tee showing off his beautiful abs and chest. He had filled out a bit, less lanky then in his teens, more of a man now. His hands had bandages which made her raise an eye brow as he snubbed out his cigarette on his boot and flicked the butt into the ash tray. She cocked her head to the side as she looked him in the face, a face she had never forgotten but now seemed somewhat darker, a little more dangerous and a little less care free. His hair was longer then when she last saw him, pulled back messy in a poney tail, long shabby bangs curtaining his hell fire eyes. That was where her gaze fixed, those ruby eyes that always seemed to burn with passion and ferocity, that danced with laughter and mischief. Yet now, in this moment of shared silence she saw so much more, a scared child looking for help, an angry youth full of spite, a desperate young man trying to convince everyone of his worth but perhaps most of all a wary warrior, searching for something with out knowing what it was, only that his journey had brought him there.

Remy smiled half heartedly, knowing that she had seen through him to his core, the way she always could, and his weakness had startled her. He turned away, flushed with humility and an over whelming desire to be in her arms, embraced by one of the few people who knew him as he once was, before he became Gambit, an international thief, a Mutant vigilante and on worse occasions a murderer. To Belle he was just Remy, a street kid that stumbled onto the thrown as prince of thieves but never wanted the crown. They where different in that way and both of them knew it. For Belladonna, the crown was not only desired but it was her absolute right a fact she would never be persuaded against. It was the reason why she could never leave, why she insisted on staying and being married by the Guilds instead of running off with him and leaving their duties and responsibilities behind. Remy had always tried to convince her, even when he was first adopted. When ever the pressure became too much or the fighting between the guilds erupted, Remy was always one step out the door headed for some where else but she had both her feet planted and held onto him with a firm grip. She would laugh playfully at night when he would propose some great new adventure that would take them far away from their lives in the guilds, but the closer it came to their wedding day, the more seriously he would talk and the more they would fight. She knew that he belonged with her and that their destiny was to rule the guilds together, but some things just don't happen as they should.

"Do you miss it 'ere?...Wit me?" Her voice was softer now but her face was still angry and her words direct to the point.

"Everyday." He sighed, turning back around, looking at her with out any pretense, his poker face gone the moment she saw into his eyes. He was exhausted, having road strait from New York with out a destination in mind until he realized he was here, back where he longed to be after spending his youth desperate to leave. The poison was mostly gone now but he was still sick, his body reeling from the intense side affects and his mind completely unfocused, letting his emotions dominate all else.

"Heard you got intah big trouble couple years back,…..working for some crazy scientist." Belle's voice was casual as she took out a clove cigarette from a pack on the table between them. She stared pointedly at him with the unlit cigarette in her hand. Remy narrowed his eyes and the lines on his face darkened at her comment as he walked toward her holding out his finger to touch the end of the clove. She kept her eyes on his as she placed it in her mouth and puffed, the familiar sound of the air sizzling around her as his finger glowed. He then dropped his arm as if it weighed a ton and stumbled over to a chair, sitting down with an exhausted sigh.

"Yup,….more trouble den dis ol' boy could deal wit." Gambit stared at his bandaged hands with a frown. Recalling the past few days and the memories they had awakened.

"What happened?" Belle spoke carefully, maintaining a tone of casual indifference when inside she fought to control her emotions. She wanted to grab him in a hug and kiss his lips till they couldn't breath and yet at the same time throw him off the balcony and curse him for ruining their life together. She hated him almost as much as she loved him and the conflict had her gut in a knot.

He looked up at her and blinked as if he had forgotten she was there, then back down at his hands.

"Powers got too hot,….burned my hands." He mumbled, consumed in thought.

"Mmmmm,…..Like when we was kids an' you blew up de boat an' de dock." She mused, remembering how intense the explosion was and how much it had frightened them both. They where left half dressed and soaking wet on the bank of the swamp for Henri to find. Still not the last time they fooled around in a boat.

"Bigger,….dats why,…." He trailed off and looked up at Belle's face, her expression one of anxious intrigue, trying to remain casual but unable to deny her curiosity and concern for him. Remy swallowed and closed his eyes, gripped by a sudden baot of nausea and pain. "Dats why,…I ended up wit de bastard scientist,….De evil doctor." He shuddered and shivered as his eyes opened, so full of shame and guilt that it nearly took her breath away. "I didn't 'ave no choice Belle,….people where dieing,…de screams,….. so much fire." He choked back a sob as he leaned over the table barring his face in his crossed arms.

Belladonna's mouth dropped open as she watched Remy's body tremble, her hand clutching her heart, blades stilled. She had not seen him this way since his cousin had died, when they where both still kids and emotions ran high. He must be sick or something else to drop his guard so much, to let his emotions rip through him. She had heard rumors about what had happened, that he was working for a man so evil that the scum of the underworld referred to him only as Sinister. She also knew that there had been an explosion in an old theater in Seattle killing 12 people and injuring more then fifty that was supposedly linked to Remy, but She had always denied the claims based on the fact that killing was one of the few things Remy always took objection to, another source of their arguing.

Belle took a long drag of her cigarette and ran a hand through her blond hair, blades safely tucked away as she shook her head in bewilderment. Instinctively she reached out and caressed his hair, still trying to come to terms with his presence and the unexpected direction it was taking. They both looked up at the same time when a groggy, boxer clade man about their age stumbled into view.

"Hey,….Clair,…..who's this guy?" The frat boy became suddenly more awake and crossed his arms with attitude glaring at the late night visitor.

"Meard." Belle muttered as she stood up strait and rolled her eyes taking another long drag. Gambit was leaning back now with an amused smile on his face, elbows out and hands behind his head, as if he hadn't been on the verge of tears only seconds ago. He clucked his tongue and gave the tough guy a once over then turned toward Bell with a smirk.

"Clair, huh?" He teased as she shot him daggers before turning her attention back to her most recent hook up.

"Look,…..David…" She began annoyed at the situation as she exhaled smoke and tried to smile sweetly.

"IT"S DENISE!" He exclaimed throwing his hands down like a child having a tantrum, resulting in Remy laughing out loud.

"Remy!" Belle fumed at him with a menacing glare to which he just chuckled and shrug leaning back further, placing his legs on the table. She turned back to the sulking young man who's fists where clenched and his lips in a deep frown as he glared at the two Cajuns.

'Holy fuck look at his eyes!" Denis shouted as he took a step back and pointed at Gambit. "He's a mutie!" He said with a level of disgusted that made Gambit's smile turn to a locked jaw, eyes narrowed and nostrils flared.

"Don't!" Belle hissed at Gambit with a warning glare before turning back around to face Denise. "Listen,….your cute, an' it was fun but I t'ink you should be getting' back to de hotel 'fore yer frat brother's start worrying….. Don't you t'ink?" She offered a cold, tight lipped smile, the end of her comment punctuated with a raised eyebrow encouraging him not to argue. This plan was foiled however when Remy put in his two cents.

"Bye Denise,….Sorry we can't get to know each other betta." Remy laughed and blew him a kiss as he waved good bye.

"Clair, what the fuck…." Before the words where formed the sweet blond Cajun girl he had met at the bar pulled out a knife and pointed it at the laughing man who seemed completely unfazed. Remy chuckled again picking up his bottle from the ground and took a large swallow.

"Not…..another….word!" Belle fumed at him, once again contemplating wither her night would be better off without her arrogant, can't shut up to save his life, ex-husband.

She turned back around to face a stunned college kid who looked at the knife as if it where already covered in blood.

"Where did you pull that out from?" He gasped before she had time to address him.

"Boy,…..you don't wanna know!" Remy laughed again, and took another swig. Bell muttered under her breath as she rubbed her eyes with one hand and twirled the blade with the other. The last thing she needed was some frat boy running around and telling people about a crazy blond Cajun girl with six inch long daggers and a drunken mutant with strange glowing eyes. The guilds would hear of it just like they always did and would know that Remy had broken the banishment and his life would be forfeit.

"Clair,…...WHATS GOING ON?" The frat boy shouted in almost a panic. Gambit gave him an annoyed scoff and drank some more while Bell gave her conquest a dangerous glare, one that scared him more then the knife.

"Enough!" Her voice was low and dangerous, laced with an unspoken warning. She delicately dropped the knife into an invisible pocket in her silk robe and sunbed out her cigarette in the ash tray. She took a few steps toward him closing the distance, all the wile her eyes locked on his, an unrecognizable expression on her face. The young man swallowed hard and tried to stand still but found himself jittery with anxious tension. The girl he had met only a few hours ago, who had seemed just as gentle and simple as he had always assumed southern girls to be, was now completely terrifying, even as she let her lips twist into a smile that would have seemed sexy if her eyes where not threatening death. "You will go inside, put on your cloths,…. And leave with out so much as another word….. When de boys ask about tonight you'll tell dem dat a sweat lil' Cajun doll gave you de time of yer pathetic, privileged, white- bread life." She draped her arm around his neck and pulled his stiff body toward her, leaning in with a breathy whisper. "And if I hear you running yer lips 'bout de man behind me or anyt'ing else you might have thought you heard,….I'll take my lil' playt'ings, slice you into ribbons an' feed ya to my pet gators." She leaned back and let her fingers stroke the side of his cheek. She laughed quietly at the shock and horror in his face and leaned in once more for a passionate kiss, imagining the flushed look on Remy's face.

Stepping back Belladonna waited with arms crossed for Dennis to snap out of his shock. She didn't have to wait long however since Remy helped him along by setting down his glass bottle on top of the balcony table with a forceful clang, jerking the boy back to his senses. His eyes snapped over to the bottle and then up towards Gambit who was leaning forward now, elbows on the table, a look of board hostility piercing the air between them. Dennis blinked and took a few steps back, eyes darting between the two Cajuns as he fumbling reached for the open door. The moment his hand was on the frame he dashed through into the room with out a second glance, hastily grabbing his cloths, not bothering to get fully dressed before making a hasty exit and slamming the door behind him.

Belle remained still for a moment turning up to look at the moon, then she glided over to the balcony's railing and looked down on the quiet street occupied briefly by one panicked young man who ran barefoot in unzipped jeans carrying the rest of his cloths into the night.

"So long Mon frare." Gambit mumbled as he leaned back again and picked up the now much lighter bottle and drank it greedily, concentrating on the feel of the burning liquid in his throat. His eyes jerked open as the bottle was snatched from his hand by a fiercely glaring Belladonna who angrily sat down at the table across from him and began to drink just as intensely. He watched her as he took out a cigarette from his pack and one from hers, sticking them both in his mouth as he lit them then reached across and handed her the clove. She set down the bottle and grabbed the smoke with the same irritated gesture then took a drag looking off to the side and shaking her head with a mumbled French curse. She turned back toward him with returned hostility and narrowed her eyes.

"What de hell is wrong wit you!" She snapped as her eyes studied him with frustration. Gambit smirked then looked away taking another long drag and shrugged. "You know dat if de Guilds find out yer here you be as good as dead!...Mon Duie Remy,…you dumber den I remember!" She grumbled and leaned back further in her chair as she took another drag then picked up the bottle but stopped as she shoved it at him in disgust. "I'm getting a real drink!" Bell stood and walked inside with her head held high just like the princess he remembered her to be.

Gambit watched her as she walked inside then he picked the bottle back up and swigged the last few shots already feeling the fuzzy warmth of the booze familiar embrace. Why had he come here? He wasn't at all sure but it had seemed like the right thing, still did if he was to be honest with him self, but then he rarely ever was. Leaning forward again, he rest his face in his hands, pushing in lightly against his eyelids and focusing absently on the patterns it created in his vision. He felt his gut tightening and his stomach turn as the stillness of the night gave way to the roar of screaming voices that lived forever in his mind's eye even after their untimely deaths. The wind chilled him even through his trench coat as he swallowed down the lump in his throat and used his bandanna to wipe the sweat from his face. Letting out a few raspy breaths he sat back up, his half massed eyes drifting toward the door where Belle stood, a martini in one hand watching him carefully, brow knit with concern.

She walked over to the table and set her drink down then leaning over the table, placed her palm on his forehead.

"Your burnin' up." She mumbled then sat down and picked up her drink, eyes regarding him all the while.

"Must be de pleasure of your company mon chere." He tried to offer an easy laugh but it came out choked and ragged.

"You sick?" Belle cocked an eyebrow as she took another swig from her glass eyes focused on his pale completion.

"Been better I suppose….Working too hard, me." He finished his cigarette then fell back into the chair and closed his eyes, relizing how drunk he was getting and how sick he still was.

"Word is you working wit' some other mutants. Trying to save de world or some such silly t'ing as dat." Belle smirked at the notion of her scoundrel thief prince giving up his wicked ways to play super hero.

"Just tired of hurting people Belle…. Wanna try doing some good for a change." He answered her plainly still keeping his eyes closed as he ran his bandaged hands through his hair.

"Mmmmmm,…..An hows dat working out for you Chere?" Belle mused keenly observing his rapid decline into drunkenness, finishing her drink and rising for another.

"It's harder den I'd like,… but it helps me sleep a little better,…..makes waking up a little easier too." Gambit opened his eyes again as the world began to spin. Belle walked back out onto the balcony and took her seat watching him as he took out a deck of cards focused on shuffling them.

"So den,…Mista High an' Mighty,…..Mista Virtuous… What brings you crawling back here drowned in a bottle of whiskey?... Shouldn't you be up in New York wit yer new lil' mutant friends?" The words where bitting but there wasn't so much bitterness as a snyed resentment. Gambit heard it but choose to ignore and focus on staying upright. He shouldn't have gotten so drunk, especially since he hadn't eaten in a few days. It was a bad decision but he wasn't known for making many good ones when it came to his personal well fare.

"Too cold up dere,…..needed a vacation somewhere warm." His answer was slightly slurred but the cards in his hands still danced with exact precision. Belle rolled her eyes and stubbed out her cigarette then reached across and removed the spent butt from his lips dropping it in the ash tray.

"Plenty of other places wit less people who want to kill you….. What's going on Remy?" Her remark was sassy at first but ended soft and genuine, as the liquor in her system and her upper hand in the conversation eased her guard. He staled his shuffle, eyes blinking, as he tried to focus but couldn't. Finally he put the cards down and sighed, staring at his bandaged hands once more.

"Been t'inking a lot." He started, then looked up at the moon.

"First time for every t'ing." Bell muttered, receiving a glare to witch she just stuck out her tongue and blew smoke at him. He smiled and so did she, before braking the gaze and looking off to the moon. Neither one could stare at the other for too long with out a swell of emotions threating to shatter the fragile peace between them. "What's on yer mind Chere?" She sighed and flicked her ash, gaze returning to his as she finished her drink. He was hunched over, picking at the frayed ends of his bandage, looking as through he where about to pass out.

"Why did you love me?" His voice was low, barely above a whisper, the words sounding meek and unsure.

The questioned took her by surprise and she cocked an eyebrow as her arm paused it's motion to set down her empty glass. He looked up at her with an expression so lost that it made her want to cry, so instead she got up and muttered she needed another drink. Something was definitely wrong with him, she had known right away but now she was seriously concerned, and even worse, unsure how to answer his question. She poured herself the drink and took a deep breath as she closed her eyes tight against the emotions that stirred behind her eyes, the tears she had promised her self she would never again waste on him. After a moment, she swallowed it down, the way she was trained to do, the only way should could remain in control of the situation. With a heavy breath, she grabbed her drink and walked back outside.

Gambit was standing now, arms leaning on the banister, looking out at nothing at all, gaze empty and face blank. Belle walked up to him, consciously make noise as she moved so as not to startle him. She stood next to him and placed a hand on his back watching him with growing concern. He turned to look at her and blinked in surprise before looking around, as if just remembering where he was. Before she could speak he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her like a drowning man clinging to a life saver. She was stiff at first but her tension eased as she inhaled his familiar scent, smoke and whiskey and cologne and road dust and everything she had tried to forget but desperately held onto at night in her dreams. He let out a quivering breath as a tear traveled down his cheek.

"Je suis Desolee Belle!...Je suis Desolee…It wasn't s'pouse to be dis way !" Gambit whispered as if trying to comfort her. Her eyes where wide as she brought her arms up to seal the embrace.

"Je sais Remy,…..Je sais!" Bell closed her eyes and she was 15 again, holding Remy as they sat on a bench in the rain outside a Train station in Baton Rouge. She held him tight as she convinced him to come home, told him over and over again that Eteinne's death wasn't his fault, that his guild would not blame him, that his father understood. They where lies, but she had said them anyway. They lied to each other when they needed to, honesty never having been held in high regard with those they loved and trusted. She wanted to lie now, to tell him it would all be okay, that he was home now and she would always be here for him. She opened her mouth to speak but couldn't. They both knew the truth and no matter how sweetly she could whisper the lies they both wanted to here, there was no point.

Belle took a step back and looked him in the eyes, wet with tears and pained with burdens far heavier then in their youth. His lips curved into a hint of a smile as he brought a hand up to her face, fingertips wiping the tears from her cheek, tears she didn't know had fallen, the sensation having been suppressed for so long. With out speaking she lead him back inside walking slowly as he stumbled slightly with drunkenness. Facing the man she had once loved and knew now, always would, she slide his coat off his shoulders and set it on a chair.

Remy sat down on the bed and watched her through a drunken fog as she untied his boots, silent tears feel down his cheeks unnoticed. Bell was so beautiful, still the girl he had always known but with the hips and breasts of a full grown woman, and the eyes of a killer hiding the soul of a fallen angel. She had been damned at an earlier age then he, and worse, she embraced it, always determined to be the predator never the pray. Yet those lethal hands, those hands that held a knife the way others held a beloved child, where still so gentle as they slide off his boots and set them by his coat. He reached out and took her hands pulling her toward him gently. She stood as he buried his face in the silky robe covering her stomach and wrapped his arms around her waist.

Starring down at the man pressed against her, she bit her lip and closed her eyes whishing he had never come. It was too hard, too hard to have him now after so long but never again, not for real. He would be gone in the morning, they both knew this, or his life would be forfeit. She opened her eyes again as he released her torso and fell back, finally succumbing to the alcohol. Belle shook her head with a gentle sigh and crawled onto the bed, dragging him up further so that his whole body was on the bed. Laying down next to him she curled up on her side and suppressed a sob for what might have been as he wrapped her in his arms, his body pressed against hers, his breath on her neck.

"J'taime Belle….. Always have, always will." His voice was a muttered breath of exhaustion as he gave into his body's demand for sleep. His mind full of drink and his arms full of Bell, he finally felt the pressure in his chest ease and the screaming in his ears die away, at least for now.

Belladona lay in the arms of her first love and cried until she fell asleep.

The End


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